SPARK GAP CITY
AND OTHER FUNNY POEMS
by Stephen Cole

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Spark Gap City

The road to Spark Gap City
Is long on snarl and bank
But travel it though tried and true
Though ache my thigh or flank

The places in that lovely city
The clubs and restaurants swank
The women so morose and pretty
The men so hale and frank

What matters that the rats do scurl
Whilst making tiny scat?
The laboratory opened wide
The scent of salted cat

Behold instead the forest kings
Their village squat and dank
Their wares of rings and radios
And heads so small and shrank

Watch the butcher in the shop
Grind sausage with a crank
Inhale the air through nostrils flared
Waft there no odors rank!

Forget not friend the ale hall
Run by John and Shirley Wank
Watch the patrons belching from
The beer what they has drank

Here once lived the serpent folk
They were so lean and lank
The village people drove them from
The places where they slank

Spark Gap City preschool
With its children on a mat
Hear them snoring blissfully
Young Larry, and Benny,
And Snat

Off the coast the privateers
Will make you walk the plank
And watch the bubbles rise and pop
Above the place you sank.

The road to Spark Gap City
Is long on snarl and bank
But travel it though tried and true
To see my old pal, Hank
(He owes me fifty bucks.)
Monkey Island

I took the little pigeons
far from where they cooed
Now they live on Monkey Island
eatin' monkey food.

At first the pigeons were upset
they thought they had been screwed
But it wasn't long before they learned
to eat dat monkey food.

The monkeys there are so polite
they're never vile or crude
they treat the pigeons just like guests
what eat that monkey food.

The rhino bayed
The gibbon shreiked
The giraffes all stood and mooed
The pidgies heard this clearly
While they munched that monkey food
I Love the Little Kitty

I love the little kitty
I love the little cat
I love his little raincoat
I love his little hat

I hope that little kitty
Watches out for cars and trucks
The last time he was injured
It cost me fifty bucks

Oh, puddy at the fishbowl
Puddy on my knee
Puddy at the garbage can
Puddy up a tree

I love the little kitty
He is so very nice
When I brought him to the city
He had ticks and fleas and lice

Oh, puddy at the opera
Puddy at the scene
Puddy at the wheel
Of the Mississippi Queen

Kitty used to be so bold
We used to call him studs
But then we took him to the vet
To have them nip his buds

Oh, puddy on an island
Puddy on a reef
Puddy at a hospital
Extracting people's teeth

Last night there was a meeting
Of the bird society
The tiny little kitty
Sat upon my knee
Alas, err long
I wished him gone
I told him then to scat
He came back in a jiffy
With a yellow-breasted chat

Oh, puddy with a bible
Puddy on crusade
Puddy with a shotgun
Puddy with a blade

See the little kitty
lying on the couch
he is so bright and witty
he's never been a slouch.

Oh puddy with a saxophone
playing in a band
puddy in the cat box
scratchin in the sand.


I love the little kitty
Alas, ere Playing in a band