When Winston Noble finally
invented the alphacide death ray and under
seemingly impossible enemy fire managelto
em-loy it to wipe out the Alpha Aphids, he
must have been the most popular man ever to
live in the galaxy. Already a household word
for his daring military genius, brave rescues
and two-fisted courage, the invention and
deployment of the alphacide ray had placed him
securely in the forefront of historical
personalities. He wiped the demonic, moraless
Aphids right off the star charts with his
initiative and just plain old fashioned down
to earth he-man guts. And everyone in the
milky way owed him for that. They owed him
His name was a problem, though. Too colorful
to be familiar-- and while he was the big
brother image,that name didn't seem to fit.
Somehow he'd never gotten a pet name from the
public, and that was a shame. A darned shame.
The intergalactic council, therefore, decided
on a christening so the many peoples of the
galaxy could feel at ease. A priliminary
election was held and the names of various war
heroes were placed upon ballots. These were
accompanied by full decriptions of each hero--
his life history, and his part in the war
against the Aphids. The winner would chose a
name for Noble and everyone in the galaxy
would use it-- heads of state, kings,
emperors, and common folk alke. It was darned
appropriate that one of the inlisted men would
name the "old man."
At last the votes came in from
ultralightagrams. Over loo billion of them.
The winner: Brad Wittingsnack, a young chap
from Hooper, Nebraska. The public had been
charmed by his background and record. His real
claim to fame occurred while he was a prisoner
in an Alpha ship. He was on kitchen duty and
made the *~~x wrong turn with the prisoners'
leftover slop. Instead of shuting it into the
garbage he tossediit into the molecular vacumn
hold above the ship's engines. rthe slop hit
some sensitive Nurkron crystals and there was
one...heck...of an explosion. To make a long
story short, Brad escaped with his life and
the laundry lady found a piece of microfilm
thatthat had somewhere along the line fallen
into the cuff of his trousers. That film was
important. Darned important. The public
thought this was the perfect example of the
stumblebum pulling through and of the punk kid
from Nebraska turning all man. He won by a
Lights were set up. A hundred cameras stared
down at Brad. Billions of people waited to
hear the choice he had made. Could it be
'Smoking Winston" or "Null-A Noble?" What?
Winston Noble stood comfortably next to a
visibly shaken Brad Wittingsnack. There was a
hushed silence after a short and respectful
speech by the emperor of the galaxy. Then came
the long-awaited moment.
"You sure I won?" asked Brad.
"We're sure," smiled Winston Noble. "How would
you like me to be known by the peoples of the
Winston Noble smiled again. Infinitely
confident and radiating great power and good
goodness, he put a hand on Brad's boney
shoulder. "Go on, little fellow." he said
"You sure?" repeated Brad, nervously.
"We're sure." smiled the greatest hero of all
Brad shrugged. "Okay, Buckwheat."