All for the Love of Corina
A three-chorder with a murder in it!
It's not in the screenplay but can easily fit with
Cribbage saying saying:
"Folks, if there's a
three-chord song contest this just might
win honorable mention. Shoot, it's even
got a murder in it if you listen
closely!"
All for the Love of
Corina.mp3
Flip Side INTRODUCTION Nov 3 2017.mp3
The Flip Side of Love without the
introduction
The harmony singers' parts (Sung by ME) on this
demo don't sound quite as on key as I'd like.
Usually I'm pitch perfect, ha ha. It's an awfully
good song though.
I'm going to put in the intro on the same track
one day.
POKEY
CRIBBAGE, a
Chihuahua-terrier
mix, lies on
the
1950s motif
davenport fast
asleep.
The football
game on the TV
roars
scratchily.
Outside, a
siren wails
and flashes of
red and blue
cut through
the window to
dance across
the
walls.
They keep
dancing.
Pokey
awakens.
He makes a
low-pitched,
quiet
howl. He
gets up, his
hair raised a
bit in simple
irritation,
and walks to
his drinking
pan in the
kitchen.
He stands over
the pan a
moment and
laps
unenthusiastically
once, twice --
missing the
water entirely
the second
time.
He howls
again, and
there is a
trace of a
growl in the
sound.
The sirens die
away in time,
and Pokey
returns to the
davenport and
is soon asleep
again.
The TV blares
on. The
lights on the
wall flash
brighter.
They dance on
the wall and
on the
sleeping
dog.
The TV screen
is now nearly
all green with
the expanse of
Astroturf.
Football
players run
across the
field.
From the TV
comes the
voice of
HORACE
GOLDING.
GOLDING (V.O.)
There are some
things more
important than
a football
game.
News from New
York
City.
James McKay
composer and
former leader
of the Storm
Kings shot in
the back and
dead on
arrival at...
We hear the
sound of
muttering from
the TV, and a
pause of
several
seconds.
GOLDING
(V.O.)
What?
The voice
pauses again
and then comes
back.
GOLDING (V.O.)
I stand
corrected.
McKay's
condition is
not
known...and I
am told now
that he has
been
critically...
but I will say
nothing more.
There is
still another
pause.
GOLDING
(V.O.)
Idiots.
God damn it!
Get me the
facts first --
the
facts.
Fools.
EXT. NEW YORK
CITY STREET --
NIGHT --
MINUTES
EARLIER
A young man
stands on the
sidewalk in
front of the
Shawnee, an
imposing,
multi-story
apartment
building.
He thumbs
through a
book, holding
it up to the
light of a
streetlamp.
A car
approaches and
the figure of
JAMES MCKAY
emerges and
starts toward
the apartment
building.
The young man
raises a
.38.
Three shots
are heard and
a fourth only
after the
shooter has
put the muzzle
of the .38 in
his mouth and
pulled the
trigger.
The book flies
into the air
and lands on
the sidewalk
in the light
of the
streetlamp.
The book is
open.
Its title page
is visible,
and it reads,
"In Our Time."
A breeze stirs
and blows the
title page to
one side, and
then for a
while an
invisible hand
leafs through
the book lying
on the
sidewalk.
EXT. NEW YORK
CITY SKYLINE
-- NIGHT
The song "Sad
Times Are
Coming" sung
by SYLVESTER
T. CRIBBAGE
begins to play
with a
violin/organ
introduction
followed by
Cribbage's
voice.
We see an
ambulance from
a view above
the city,
winding its
way through
the streets
finally to
reach the
hospital.
CRIBBAGE
(V.O.)
When every
leaf
Is gone from
every tree
And there's a
yellow sun
In an empty
sky
There'll be a
time for grief
And a tear in
every eye
Don't you see
Sad times are
comin'?
These dreams
and city
lights
May grow
brighter ere
they fade
Then in a
sudden wind
Simply blow
away
There'll be a
cold hard rain
On a sunny day
Don't you see
Sad times are
comin'?
In dreams I
see
My own reality
Just to wake
up to a sad
old song
With the same
old name
And the same
old pain
Just yesterday
I picked up my
guitar
But I couldn’t
sing a word
Of my own
refrain
And the only
thing I heard
Was someone
calling me by
name
Don't you see,
sad times are
coming?
INT. PASSENGER
JET -- NIGHT
We hear the
muffled,
whistling
sound of jet
engines.
SYLVESTER T.
CRIBBAGE, New
York Native,
actor and
musician, is
seated in the
aisle seat of
the Boeing
727.
Next to him,
at the window,
sits another
man, EDWARD
WENTWORTH.
The seat
between them
is
empty.
Wentworth is
obviously
Cribbage's
senior.
His hair is
mostly gray
and he is
dressed
conservatively.
Cribbage is
youthful but
mid-fortyish.
His face seems
big and
blatantly
expressive,
good humored,
and plastered
on it is not a
perpetual
smile but what
might be
called a
perpetual
laugh.
Cribbage wears
a suit with a
vest and has
on a bolo tie
with a
long-horned
steer as the
slide.
The bolo tips
are silver
bullets.
A female
flight
attendant
stands in the
aisle with the
beverage cart.
FLIGHT
ATTENDANT
(to
Cribbage)
Would you like
something to
drink?
CRIBBAGE
(to Wentworth
in a Brooklyn
accent)
Sir. You
first.
WENTWORTH
Thank
you.
I'll have a
bourbon on the
rocks, please
-- a
double.
Wentworth
leans over to
speak to
Cribbage
WENTWORTH
Always get a
double.
You won't have
to wait for
your next
drink, and the
attendant
won't be
bothered
twice.
CRIBBAGE
Great idea!
He looks at
the flight
attendant.
CRIBBAGE
A bloody
Mary.
Make it a
double!
Cribbage winks
at Wentworth.
The flight
attendant
serves the
older man a
plastic glass
with ice and
two one-ounce
bottles of
bourbon.
She pours the
bloody Mary
mix from a
12-ounce can
over the ice
in another cup
for Cribbage
and puts it on
his tray along
with two
bottles of
vodka.
The older man
begins to fix
his
drink.
He takes the
cap off of one
of the
bourbons.
Cribbage
sticks out his
hand.
CRIBBAGE
Sylvester T.
Cribbage!
Wentworth
shakes
Cribbage's
hand.
WENTWORTH
Edward
Wentworth.
I'm a Catholic
priest.
Cribbage
blanches.
CRIBBAGE
Well, I'm
Catholic
myself.
He pulls a
tiny chain
from under his
shirt
revealing the
St.
Christopher
medallion.
CRIBBAGE
My traveling
companion,
Sir. But
you don't have
to warn me
you're a
priest,
Father.
I wouldn't
have
embarrassed
you. I
talk to
everyone the
same: man,
woman, grocery
store clerk,
cop on the
beat, Indian
chief, even
priest.
Tell the
truth,
Father.
Were you
really afraid
I was going to
say something
just awful?
He digs
the man
playfully in
the ribs with
his
elbow.
CRIBBAGE
You
know.
Heh, heh --
just guy to
guy?
WENTWORTH
Well, I...
CRIBBAGE
You'll never
see the best
in people if
you expect the
worst,
Father.
Seek and ye
shall find and
all that.
WENTWORTH
...Well, of
course I
always...
CRIBBAGE
If you're
uncomfortable
going plain
clothes, wear
the collar,
Father, though
I take a dim
view of any
priest who
would wear it
just to put us
all on
notice.
Don't you
think it's
time you
started
believing in
the basic
goodness of
people?
Cribbage leans
over putting
the big
laughing face
close to
Wentworth's.
CRIBBAGE
What you need,
Father, is a
little faith!
Cribbage
cheerfully
uncaps both
vodkas, pours
them into his
cup, and
tosses them
down.
The flight
attendant
turns from the
seats opposite
where she has
just served
another
passenger.
Cribbage
gently grasps
her sleeve and
tugs.
CRIBBAGE
Father
Wentworth has
advised that I
order a double
bloody Mary.
FLIGHT
ATTENDANT
I just served
you a double
bloody Mary
not one minute
ago.
CRIBBAGE
Er, he asked
me to.
He says it
saves time.
FLIGHT
ATTENDANT
I
think not,
sir.
CRIBBAGE
It's all
right.
He points to
the priest's
remaining
unopened
bottle.
CRIBBAGE
We have
an extra
anyway.
He leans
toward
Wentworth.
CRIBBAGE
So much for
your advice.
EXT. STEPS
LEADING TO
CRIBBAGE's
FRONT DOOR --
NIGHT
Cribbage walks
up the steps
to his
apartment as
the cab he has
arrived in
disappears
down the
street.
There are an
usually large
number of
people on the
street.
He sees
flashing red
and blue
lights and
hears some
singing down
the
street.
Cribbage takes
his apartment
key from his
pocket. The
key is
attached to a
long, rather
heavy chain.
He turns the
key in the
lock and goes
in.
INT.
CRIBBAGE's
APARTMENT --
NIGHT
There is
something
about a
shooting on
TV, but
Cribbage
switches it
off.
Pokey runs in
circles in
excitement.
Cribbage picks
him up and the
two hug and
kiss until
Pokey has
calmed
down.
He puts the
dog on the
couch and
picks up the
note from THE
FEMALE DOG
SITTER on the
coffee
table.
He reads her
note.
INSERT -- THE
DOG SITTER'S
NOTE
THE FEMALE DOG
SITTER (V.O.)
"Pokey was
very happy
today.
Lots of tummy
rubs! And a
good
walk.
Gave him his
meds and we
played "Snappy
Dog" in the
living
room.
Your TV was on
when I came
in. I
didn't know if
you wanted it
on or off, so
I left it that
way.
Looking
forward to
seeing Pokey
again soon.
He's a
sweetheart!"
Cribbage looks
at the note
and rolls his
eyes. He takes
the dog leash
from the
coffee
table.
Pokey barks
and runs in
circles.
CRIBBAGE
A quick pee,
Pokey.
Then we're
hitting the
sack.
EXT. STREET
OUTSIDE
CRIBBAGE's
APARTMENT --
NIGHT
Cribbage steps
out of his
doorway with
Pokey.
He locks the
door behind
him with the
key on its
long, dangling
chain and goes
down the
steps.
Cribbage walks
Pokey down the
street in the
opposite
direction of
the lights and
singing.
INT.
CRIBBAGE's
APARTMENT --
MORNING
Cribbage reads
the newspaper
article about
the shooting
at his kitchen
breakfast
table.
CRIBBAGE (VS.)
They said that
one more shot
anywhere and
it would have
spelled
curtains for
McKay. The
world was
almost one
Storm King
down.
And the best
composer in
the band at
that.
There were a
lot of big,
famous names
around with
big, fat,
swollen heads
most of
them.
But they'd
secretly trade
all the talent
they had to be
able to knock
off hits like
James
McKay.
Or like he
used to.
I wondered
what he'd say
if I asked him
to help me
out. I
knew he'd be
in the Diamond
Point Studios
sooner or
later.
INT. MCKAY'S
HOSPITAL ROOM
-- DAY
McKay is in
the bed, his
arm in a
cast.
McKay is
fortyish. The
TV is on in
the
background.
A remote
control has
its cable
going through
the rail on
the side of
the bed.
Horace Golding
stands at
McKay's
bedside.
Golding is a
tall man
better than 20
years older
than McKay.
MCKAY
Forget about
it,
Horace.
Exaggerated
reports of my
death and
all.
It's really
kind of funny.
GOLDING
I won't stay
any longer,
James.
I'm glad
you're doing
better.
Take care.
MCKAY
You too,
Horace.
Golding leaves
and McKay
turns the TV
up. Now
it blares with
an announcer's
voice.
There are
shots of the
neon sign
outside a
Broadway
theater with
the word
"LAREDO!"
THE TV
Brooklyn's own
SYLVESTER T.
CRIBBAGE is
breaking some
box office
records with
his quirky
western stage
production,
Laredo!
Cribbage stars
in his own
brainchild as
Pokey Laredo,
a goofy but
tuneful
buckaroo with
a song in his
heart and a
laugh up his
sleeve.
The TV scene
shifts to the
stage where we
see Cribbage
in a Hollywood
western cowboy
outfit
plucking a
string
bass. He
sings his song
"The Flip Side
of Love."
The
Flip Side of
Love
INTRODUCTION
Nov 3 2017
The
Flip Side of
Love without
the
introduction
The harmony
singers' parts
(Sung by ME)
on this demo
don't sound
quite as on
key as I'd
like.
Usually I'm
pitch perfect,
ha ha. It's an
awfully good
song though.
I'm going to
put in the
intro on the
same track one
day.
MCKAY
There are two
sides to love,
it's
true.
Side A is
sweet; Side B
is blue...
THE TV
KNYC reporter
KATHERINE
STANDAGE
caught up with
Cribbage back
stage
yesterday.
Cribbage
appears on the
screen
standing next
to
Standage.
He is still in
wardrobe with
his neck
kerchief
neatly knotted
and his hat in
hand.
The music
continues in
the
background.
STANDAGE
Well, Pokey,
you've been
driving cattle
up West 42nd
Street three
nights a week
for more than
a year now.
CRIBBAGE
(In his usual
Brooklyn
accent.)
I have.
Stopping only
to graze at
the Carnegie
Deli.
STANDAGE
Tell me about
the show.
CRIBBAGE
Well, what we
don't have in
storyline we
make up for in
toe-tapping
tunes and
one-liners.
And we have a
cast that
would make
Rodgers and
Hammerstein
jealous.
STANDAGE
Now, you're
the one who
writes all the
tunes.
CRIBBAGE
Right.
No
covers.
If you want to
hear "Cool
Water" for the
millionth
time, Laredo!
will
disappoint
you.
STANDAGE
What will we
hear?
CRIBBAGE
You'll hear
new material
every three or
four
shows. I
said we didn't
have much in
the way of a
storyline.
But because of
that, we can
swap songs and
skits in and
out so the
show stays
fresh.
STANDAGE
The show
changes that
often?
CRIBBAGE
Morphs.
It morphs! A
month from now
you can come
back and see
it
again.
STANDAGE
That's good
for repeat
business, but
doesn't it
make a lot of
work for you?
CRIBBAGE
(Still in a
Brooklyn
accent)
Yes, but it's
my show, and
ma'am, I aim
to run herd on
it. Hey!
Want to see me
lose 30 IQ
points in
three seconds?
STANDAGE
Sure.
CRIBBAGE
One, Two,
Three!
On three, he
sets the
cowboy hat on
his head.
STANDAGE
You strike me
as a somewhat
reluctant
cowboy,
Sylvester.
CRIBBAGE
Well, I'm from
Brooklyn, for
cryin' out
loud.
The last line
of the music
plays.
THE TV
Don't make me
sing that
lonesome song
on the flip
side of love.
STANDAGE
Best of luck
on Laredo,
Sylvester.
CRIBBAGE
Thank you
kindly.
STANDAGE
This is
Katherine
Standage KNYC
News with
Sylvester
Cribbage
CRIBBAGE
Sylvester TEE
Cribbage!
STANDAGE
Sylvester TEE
Cribbage
running
herd...
CRIBBAGE
(in a thick
New York
accent)
Running hoyd!
STANDAGE
...Sylvester
TEE Cribbage
running hoyd
at the
Bluebird
Theater.
McKay switches
off the TV.
MCKAY
Bloody hell!
INT. GEORGE
HEINEMANN'S
OFFICE -- DAY
Cribbage sits
in a chair in
front of
GEORGE
HEINEMANN, who
is at his
desk.
HEINEMANN
Sylvester, I'm
hearing
everywhere
that you plan
to change the
theme of
Laredo, though
with that
title I don't
know how you
intend to do
it.
CRIBBAGE
The show has
always
morphed.
HEINEMANN
It hasn't
suddenly
changed into a
cockroach.
CRIBBAGE
Why shouldn't
it?
HEINEMANN
It's bad
business.
CRIBBAGE
Bad business.
HEINEMANN
Of
course.
When Middle
aged Mom and
Pop Midwest
travel to
Manhattan,
they never
miss your
show.
They buy
tickets
because of the
cowboy
theme.
They listen to
country music
at home.
CRIBBAGE
If they'll
listen to
country,
they'll listen
to anything.
HEINEMANN
You mean
they'll listen
to anything
country.
CRIBBAGE
No, I mean
they'll listen
to
anything.
And the music
isn't country
anyway; it's
western.
HEINEMANN
That fact is
lost on your
audience.
They fancy
themselves
trail drivers,
Sylvester.
They come to
see the
hats. I
don't mind if
you very
gradually move
away from the
theme, but a
sudden change
will kill us
at the box
office.
CRIBBAGE
I've got a New
York following
too, you know.
HEINEMANN
Well, local
fan clubs
don't pay the
bills.
CRIBBAGE
I'll die of
ennui.
HEINEMANN
See you later,
Buckaroo.
INT. DOOR TO
GEORGE
HEINEMANN'S
OFFICE -- DAY
Cribbage shuts
the door
behind
him. He
has a sour but
determined
look on his
face.
INT. THEATER
STAGE -- NIGHT
SYLVESTER T.
CRIBBAGE walks
toward the
audience
picking a
guitar and
singing.
He in reality
walks in place
as the props
on either side
of him,
intensely
two-dimensional
cut-outs of
cacti,
boulders,
brush, and the
occasional
longhorn cow,
move past him
on oval
carousels.
On either side
of the stage
are plywood
cliffs painted
red and burnt
sienna like
alternating
layers of
vertical
sandstone and
sloping
shale.
All of the
scenery is far
from
realistic, but
that is part
of the show's
look as a
hokey frolic,
and the moving
props give the
impression
that he walks
down a canyon.
Dreams and
reality seem
an awful lot
alike to
me. And
dreams are the
only thing
that keep me
going
Just dreams
and the sound
of my guitar!
CRIBBAGE
(V.O.)
All of the
tunes were
mine.
The show
closed with
"Good-bye
Trail Mates,"
not my best
work, but it
didn't have to
be. I
never even
tried to outdo
Dale Evans in
a
fare-thee-well,
and this was
the only one
of my own that
I had, and
since I didn't
do any covers,
that was
that.
The same song
closed the
first record
album, which
was making me
a very modest
income.
CRIBBAGE
(Singing the
last line)
Just dreams
and the sound
of my guitar!
The song ends
with a
six-note E
add9 chord,
the first,
second, and
sixth strings
open.
CRIBBAGE
(V.O.)
When the cast
took stage for
the finale, a
prosaic horse
-- two people
in a suit --
curtsied along
with the
actors, and
then turned
backwards and
bowed with its
proverbial
south end
facing the
audience.
I always
booted the
horse's behind
and the horse
turned around
all apologies
curtsying
frantically in
apology.
As corny as it
comes, but the
crowd ate it
up. One night
was to be
different,
though.
INT. THEATER
BACKSTAGE --
NIGHT
MICHAEL
ROSENBURG runs
up to Cribbage
in a panic.
MICHAEL
(shouting)
Mr. Cribbage!
Mr. Cribbage!
CRIBBAGE
What?
MICHAEL
AMANDA can't
go on.
CRIBBAGE
What do you
mean she can't
go on?
MICHAEL
She's hurling,
Mr. Cribbage.
CRIBBAGE
Well put
someone else
in the horse
suit.
What am I,
your personal
valet?
Christ.
MICHAEL
Who?
CRIBBAGE
You do it.
MICHAEL
I'm
claustrophobic,
Mr. Cribbage.
CRIBBAGE
Amanda has the
back of the
horse.
You were born
for the role.
MICHAEL
I'll suffocate
in
there.
Really, Mr.
Cribbage.
CRIBBAGE
No you
won't.
Go.
INT. THEATER
STAGE -- NIGHT
CRIBBAGE AND
THE CAST sing
"Good-bye
Trail Mates."
Michael and
another actor
are in the
horse suit
They dance
slowly about
as the song
ends.
It's time to
say good-bye
to all my
trail mates on
the ride
And it's time
to recollect
and brush a
tear or two
aside
Make a solemn
pledge so true
After that, if
you feel blue
You've still
got something
left to do
(Just sing
this.)
Yippee kie
yie
Yippee kie oh
kie ay
Yippee kie
ay
yippee kie oh
ooooo!
Yippee kie
yie
Yippee kie oh
kie ay
That's all you
really have to
do
CRIBBAGE
(V.O.)
The song
ended, but by
that time,
Michael was in
a
claustrophobic
panic.
Michael, in
the back part
of the horse
suit, falls to
the stage
floor.
THE FRONT OF
THE HORSE
attempts to
curtsy, but
the bulging
back end of
the horse suit
containing
Michael pulls
the front of
the horse
backward.
THE FRONT OF
THE HORSE
(sounding like
a stage
whisper)
Get up!
There is a
gasp and a
tearing sound
as the back of
the horse is
ripped open,
and Michael
exits
running.
MICHAEL
(In a New York
accent)
Aaaaaaagh! I'm
dying in
there!
Cribbage
stands center
stage, an
uncomfortable
smile frozen
on his face,
but there is
an explosive
laugh from the
audience, and
Cribbage's
eyes
widen.
He smiles to
the audience
as though it
had all been
part of the
act.
INT. THEATER
BACKSTAGE --
NIGHT
Cribbage sits
backstage in a
chair writing
on a
clipboard. The
heading on top
of the page
reads
"Colossal
Idea!"
AMANDA SMITH
walks up to
Cribbage.
She's a pretty
brunette but
she looks
disheveled and
sick.
AMANDA
I'm really
sorry Mr.
Cribbage.
I got so sick!
CRIBBAGE
Don't worry,
sweetie.
It's all for
the
best.
Believe
me. Go
home and get
better, sugar
pop.
Amanda
leaves.
Stage hands
strike the set
and others
just walk
around.
CRIBBAGE
(V.O.)
Serendipity.
The crowd
loved
Michael's
little
disaster so
much that I
made it a
regular part
of the
show. I
had Velcro
sewed into the
back of the
horse
suit.
Every night,
Michael would
tear himself
out of the
horse, and
when he did,
the audience
always cracked
up. Who
can
figure?
Sheer sadism.
INT. THEATER
STAGE -- NIGHT
Michael tears
himself out of
the horse suit
in a panic and
runs screaming
stage
right.
The audience
laughs.
INT. BACK
STAGE -- NIGHT
Michael's face
is wide-eyed
and he is
sweaty and out
of
breath.
He hears the
crowd's
laughter and
turns to look
back on stage
as if staring
back into a
nightmare.
He sits in a
folding metal
chair, picks
up a towel and
wipes the
sweat off his
face.
His hands
shake.
CRIBBAGE
(V.O.)
Changing that
scene was good
for Amanda
too. She
was too pretty
and too good a
singer to hide
in the suit
anyway, so I
got her a
little
background
singing part
with the other
girls and
everyone was
happy.
Well, not
Michael too
much.
INT. THEATER
STAGE -- NIGHT
A cowboy
stands next to
a fence and
performs the
spoken part of
a song with a
swing guitar
accompaniment
from the
orchestra
pit. He
has a lariat
and motions
with it as he
speaks.
On the fence
three cowgirls
are
seated.
Two are blond
and the other
is Amanda.
COWBOY
(talking to
the music)
A cowpoke town
folk round
here know
Can rope and
brand but does
it slow
He rides in
the saddle
rocking to and
fro
And he's
everybody's
favorite
cowboy.
AMANDA AND TWO
OTHER FEMALE
SINGERS
(Singing)
Pokey, Pokey
Laredo!
At drawing
fast he just
ain't worth a
dime
Pokey, Pokey
Laredo!
They call him
Pokey ‘cause
he likes to
take his time.
COWBOY
(talking to
the music)
There was a
gunfight once
and Pokey won
‘Cause it took
him so long to
draw his gun
The other
fella died
from standing
in the sun
He's
everybody's
favorite
cowboy.
AMANDA AND TWO
OTHER FEMALE
SINGERS
(Singing)
Pokey, Pokey
Laredo!
At drawing
fast he just
ain't worth a
dime
Pokey, Pokey
Laredo!
The girls all
love him
‘cause he
likes to take
his time.
INT. THEATER
STAGE -- NIGHT
We see a set
with winter
scenery. We
see patches of
snow and
leafless trees
all around.
Amanda sits on
a stone in
front of the
trees.
CRIBBAGE
(V.O.)
The show was a
songwriter's
dream --and
nightmare --
both because
of all the
tunes I had to
come up with.
But it was fun
to write perky
ones like
"Pokey Laredo"
and even ones
that were
slightly over
gush.
When the trees
hear winter's
song
For sumertime
they long
Though the
winter through
they sleep
A promise true
they keep...
Amanda stands
to sing the
chorus and
ending.
Don't you even
sigh
When all the
leaves just
die?
Oh, even a
slumbering
heart like you
must feel
lonely...
INT. PRACTICE
ROOM -- DAY
THE BUCKIN'
BRONX
jam. The
band members
are dressed in
ordinary
street
clothes.
The band
consists of
two
guitarists, a
bass, a
keyboard
player and a
DRUMMER.
The words
"BUCKIN'
BRONX" are
stenciled on
the bass
drum.
Above the
words is the
brand name of
the drums,
"LUDWIG."
Cribbage is
with the group
and
sings.
He has a
guitar.
The song is
"Tell Someone
Your Dreams."
There is a TV
in the room
and it is on.
CRIBBAGE
(V.O.)
Three nights a
week I had the
Buckin' Bronx
in the
orchestra pit
playing.
And I jammed
with them once
or twice a
week
too. The
practice
sessions were
a testing
ground for new
material.
We played all
kinds of
stuff.
And I'd
occasionally
go over to one
of their
regular gigs
on 47th Street
and sit in for
a few
tunes.
Dreams are the
only thing
‘kept me going
so far.
Just dreams
and the sound
of my
guitar.
Tell someone
your dreams
and they'll
know who you
are.
Just from your
dreams and the
sound of your
guitar...
The song ends
with a
screaming 6
add 9 chord.
DRUMMER
Woo! Old Storm
Kings ending!
The TV can be
heard
now.
CRIBBAGE
Speaking of
which.
Cribbage
unplugs his
guitar and
walks to the
TV. He
turns up the
sound.
THE TV
After a long
stay in
Manhattan's
Westside
Hospital,
James McKay is
traveling home
to the
Shawnee, where
a deranged fan
shot the
former Storm
Kings leader
and
self-proclaimed
peacenik after
an evening
recording
session.
McKay's arm is
still in a
cast having
been broken by
the barrage of
bullets that
nearly killed
him, but the
cast will be
off soon, and
he will regain
full use of
the arm,
doctors
say. No
word on his
plans.
Cribbage
stares at the
screen.
INT.
NEWS BRIEFING
ROOM -- DAY
Mckay sits at
a table with a
microphone in
front of
him. His
left arm is in
a cast. Next
to him is
Kelly
Shawnson, a TV
announcer. He
also has a
microphone.
SHAWNSON
Tough road for
you lately,
James.
MCKAY
Yeah, but I'm
getting myself
rightside up
again.
SHAWNSON
How do you
mean?
MCKAY
Well, it's
impossible to
get shot
without being
totally
freaked out.
It's only
natural.
SHAWNSON
Fame has its
drawbacks.
MCKAY
In the end you
have to trust
in your luck
-- in the way
I expect race
car drivers
must do --
never really
expecting to
get killed.
SHAWNSON
I once heard
you say you
thought there
were people
who would do
you in if they
thought they
could get away
with it.
MCKAY
I did say
that.
Nothing's
changed. I
knew I had
fans and
enemies too,
but I never
expected
someone from
the former
group to come
gunning for
me.
SHAWNSON
One of the
fans.
MCKAY
Yeah.
SHAWNSON
So what are
your plans
now?
MCKAY
I've got a
second shot at
life, so I
feel I should
make something
like new
year's
resolutions --
in fact a
whole string
of them. I'm
still working
at coming up
with a list.
SHAWNSON
Some activism.
MCKAY
I'm sure.
SHAWNSON
How
about
composing?
MCKAY
Well, I'll
always do
that.
SHAWNSON
Together with
anyone in
particular
from the Storm
Kings?
MCKAY
Now you've
done it.
SHAWNSON
You knew I had
to ask.
MCKAY
Well, you
never know,
sir. You never
know.
EXT. SIDEWALK
IN FRONT OF
THE DOOR OF
THE OFFICES OF
DIAMOND POINT
STUDIOS -- DAY
Cribbage walks
Pokey on a
leash.
When they
arrive at the
door, Cribbage
picks Pokey
up, gathers
the leash, and
pushes open
the door.
INT. OFFICES
OF DIAMOND
POINT STUDIOS
-- DAY
A RECEPTIONIST
is at her desk
inside.
RECEPTIONIST
Good morning,
Mr.
Cribbage.
How are you
today?
CRIBBAGE
Great!
RECEPTIONIST
And how are
you, Pokey?
Cribbage
grasps Pokey's
jaw and moves
the dog's
muzzle,
pretending
that the dog
can talk.
CRIBBAGE
I'm great too!
Cribbage
giggles.
He walks with
pokey through
another door
and into the
hallway
beyond.
INT. HALLWAYS
AND OFFICES OF
DIAMOND POINT
STUDIOS -- DAY
Cribbage walks
through the
hallways and
offices
carrying
Pokey.
Cribbage sees
James McKay
talking with
two other
men. One
is THE STUDIO
DIRECTOR.
McKay's right
arm is in a
cast.
MCKAY
Just so long
as we have
that studio
for the whole
two weeks.
THE STUDIO
DIRECTOR
Yes, it's
already
scheduled.
No
problem.
We're both
gonna be there
anyway in case
you need
something.
And to get you
a safe ride
home.
MCKAY
Sounds
great.
See you then.
The two men
leave and
Cribbage walks
up to McKay
CRIBBAGE
James McKay!
Sylvester T.
Cribbage!
He sticks out
his hand and
McKay shakes
it.
MCKAY
What's the
big,
gold-embroidered
T stand for,
Mr. Cribbage?
CRIBBAGE
(to McKay and
then to Pokey)
Terrific! What
else? Oh,
sorry;
Terrier.
That's right!
Cribbage
laughs at his
own bad joke
unapologetically
and then looks
back to
McKay.
CRIBBAGE
You know,
James. I
have that big
show Laredo in
town. I
assume you've
at least heard
of it.
McKay just
looks at him.
CRIBBAGE
Well, it
provides a
musical
opportunity of
sorts.
You see, my
worst
nightmare is
to wake up
singing my
very own
"Good-bye
Trail Mates"
for the ten
thousandth
time when I
could
occasionally
be doing some
fresh
material.
MCKAY
So?
CRIBBAGE
So I've got
plenty to work
with, but I
lack a
collaborator.
MCKAY
Now you're
describing my
worst
nightmare.
Take it up
with my
booking
agent.
The same goes
for your
little dog,
too.
McKay walks
off as if
Cribbage
ceased to
exist.
CRIBBAGE
(to Pokey)
Pay no
attention to
him.
I'll bet he
doesn't even
have a booking
agent.
INT.
CRIBBAGE's
APARTMENT --
DAY
Cribbage types
on a manual
typewriter at
his desk. He
wears
wire-framed
reading
glasses.
Cribbage is an
expert
typist.
INSERT -- THE
PAPER IN THE
TYPEWRITER
He types the
words "THE
RELUCTANT
COWBOY, A
MEMOIR" at the
top of the
page. He
continues
typing
fast.
CRIBBAGE
(V.O.)
People have
always said I
had a lot of
audacity.
And asking
James McKay to
be my
collaborator
the first
time we
ever met was
pretty bold
even for
me. Just
the same, one
listen to his
last record
convinced me
that he might
need me more
than I needed
him.
Convincing him
was the
problem.
INT. STUDIO --
NIGHT
McKay is in
the studio,
his left arm
in a cast. He
stands in
front of an
organ. There
are earphones
on the top of
the organ. A
console is
nearby.
Musicians
leave the
room. Two men
remain with
McKay. One is
the studio
director.
MCKAY
I'm going to
listen to what
we've done so
far so I'll be
ready for
tomorrow.
THE STUDIO
DIRECTOR
Okay. I think
we're going
down to the
office for a
while. Take
your time and
come on down
when you're
through. Then
we'll get you
home.
McKay is
alone. He puts
on the
earphones and
takes a step
toward the
console. He
laughs and
sees his
reflection
laughing in
the glass
between
himself and
the control
room.
But when he
stops, it is
as though the
reflection
does
not. It
keeps on
laughing.
His face in
the glass
changes as the
reflection
brays in
bravado
revealing
itself as
brainless,
selfish,
contemptible.
McKay looks
horrified by
what he
sees. He
closes his
eyes. He
steps back to
the organ. His
right hand
touches the
keyboard and
falls into a
three-note F
chord and he
sings.
Just today at
work
Something set
me to thinking
And I wanted
to go home
And maybe fix
myself a
drink...
MONTAGE -
MCKAY'S LIFE
-- The Storm
Kings play on
stage.
-- The Storm
Kings are in
the studio.
-- The Storm
Kings goof off
together.
-- McKay
composes with
his Storm
Kings
songwriting
partner.
-- MCKAY is in
a peace
march.
-- McKay is
with his wife
and son.
-- His son
walks into the
distance.
MCKAY
(O.S.)
You can turn
your head away
From your
thoughts and
all your fears
Never to be
free from any
word or deed,
my friend...
BACK TO SCENE
McKay sings
the last
verse.
MCKAY
You can run
from the truth
and be running
from a lie
But you can't
run from
yourself no
matter how you
try
Just today at
work something
set me to
thinking
And I wanted
to go home and
cry
BLACK SCREEN
SUPER:
"MANCHESTER,
UNITED
KINGDOM.
2:00 AM."
We hear a
ringing
telephone.
VALERIE MCKAY
answers.
VALERIE
(Groggily)
Hello.
MCKAY (V.0.)
Val.
FADE IN
Valerie snaps
on the lamp on
the headboard
of her bed
where she has
just
awoken.
Her eyes are
almost closed.
VALERIE
(immediate
recognition)
James.
MCKAY (V.0.)
I wanted to
talk to you.
VALERIE
"Do you know
what time it
is here?
MCKAY (V.0.)
No. I
assume some
ungodly
hour.
Sorry;
thoughtless.
It's just like
me, which is
actually what
I'm calling
about.
VALERIE
What do you
mean?
MCKAY (V.0.)
Squaring
accounts.
VALERIE
Oh, James,
it's much too
late for that.
MCKAY (V.0.)
Is it?
VALERIE
Of course, it
is.
MCKAY (V.0.)
I was hoping
you were an
idealist of
sorts.
One who says
its never too
late.
I've been an
idealist in
words only, I
think.
VALERIE
It's never too
late to make
an overture, I
suppose.
MCKAY (V.0.)
I'm making
one.
It's all I can
do.
VALERIE
It's nice of
you. But
it doesn't
change
anything.
If you want me
to say all
that happened
never
mattered...
MCKAY (V.0.)
It's not
that. I
want to make
amends.
VALERIE
Well, that's
what's too
late, isn't
it?
MCKAY (V.0.)
I know.
So, since I
can't change
the past, I
want to say
I'm
sorry.
I've become
introspective.
Suddenly.
Belatedly.
VALERIE
Introspection
is a great
gift.
MCKAY (V.0.)
And the lack
of it a great
failing.
VALERIE
Yes.
MCKAY (V.0.)
Thanks for not
hanging up on
me.
VALERIE
I wouldn't do
that, James.
MCKAY (V.0.)
I guess you
could say I
hung up on you
and Danny a
long time ago.
VALERIE
You
could.
And I forgave
you a long
time
ago. No
guilt, James.
MCKAY (V.0.)
How is Danny
doing?
VALERIE
He's doing
fine.
There have
been rough
times, but
there is some
forgiveness
there too.
MCKAY (V.0.)
Thanks, Val.
VALERIE
James, when
you were hurt,
I wanted to
call you.
MCKAY (V.0.)
Maybe we can
talk sometime
again.
VALERIE
That would be
nice,
James.
Good-bye.
Valerie hangs
up the phone.
INT.
CRIBBAGE's
BEDROOM --
EARLY MORNING
Cribbage is in
bed asleep.
Strains of
"The Flip Side
of Love" can
be heard.
The doorbell
rings.
It rings
again.
Cribbage
stirs, rolls
over.
The sound of
the song
decreases in
volume.
He sits up,
and shakes his
head as the
music fades,
comes back a
little louder,
and then
disappears
altogether.
Pokey lies
next to him
and wakes
up. The
dog barks,
jumps off of
the bed, and
runs for the
door.
Cribbage gets
up out of bed
and starts for
the door
wearing cowboy
decorated
pajamas.
He grabs a
robe from a
closet and
puts it on.
CRIBBAGE
Let's see who
the hell it
could be,
Pokey.
Cribbage opens
the
door.
James McKay
stands at the
top of the
cement stairs
leading up
from the
street.
He has a
friendly smile
on his
face.
Cribbage leans
back as if
reading a book
without his
glasses.
MCKAY
I was
wondering when
you wanted to
get together.
CRIBBAGE
(beat)
How about now?
MCKAY
That's good
for me.
CRIBBAGE
Come in.
Let me get
dressed.
Have you
eaten? Quiet
Pokey.
EXT. THE
COMPASS ROSE
DINER -- DAY
McKay and
Cribbage are
on the
sidewalk in
front of a
diner. The
sign on the
diner says,
"COMPASS ROSE
DINER, NORTH,
SOUTH, EAST,
WEST." There
is a large
compass rose
on the wall
with a rose
motif.
INT. THE
COMPASS ROSE
DINER -- DAY
Cribbage and
McKay walk
through the
diner to an
empty
table.
It is fairly
busy with
customers who
seem
especially
busy to
pretend that
they don't
notice who has
come in.
The two men
sit. A
bus boy comes
by and gives
them each a
menu.
CRIBBAGE
You look at
those country
guys -- you
know, the hat
bands.
They actually
believe in the
hats as dumb
as that may
sound.
And they've
just got to
wear 'em, even
when they're
not working.
MCKAY
You don't wear
yours at home?
CRIBBAGE
I'm from
Brooklyn for
Christ's sake.
MCKAY
You wear one
on stage.
CRIBBAGE
Well of
course, but
it's just a
prop as well
as a
joke.
The cowboys
are make
believe.
The costume
goes with the
music.
Like gladiator
costumes go
with heavy
metal.
MCKAY
You know,
they're not
real
gladiators.
CRIBBAGE
I knew that.
MCKAY
Well, tell me
about this
country/western
musical of
yours.
CRIBBAGE
Country/western.
Never the
twain shall
meet.
Different
themes. Ah,
but western
players play
swing half of
the time.
MCKAY
Thirties
and forties
swing, chunk!
chunk! guitar
players a la
Freddy Green.
I know a
little: Cindy
Walker tunes
played by Bob
Wills. I like
it, but I
don't play any
of it.
CRIBBAGE
You need the
chance
to. You
could morph
along with the
show.
But I need
some help on
the current
stuff first --
at least long
enough to fill
out the next
record album.
MCKAY
I've got a
hunch you're
up to
something.
Getting some
resistance to
change, are
you? Producers
leaning hard
on you?
CRIBBAGE
You hunch
well, pal.
MCKAY
It's in your
eyes. I'm fond
of
mischief.
Tittlated I
am.
CRIBBAGE
And you
haven't even
seen the show.
MCKAY
No.
CRIBBAGE
Well, tickets
are hard to
get, but I
think I can
find you one.
The waitress
LORELEI ENGEL
comes to the
table.
She is blond
and a striking
beauty.
LORELEI
I'm Lorelei,
and I won't
pretend I
don't know who
you are,
James.
MCKAY
(to
Cribbage)
It's
okay.
It's worse
when they
pretend not to
know.
LORELEI
How's your
arm?
MCKAY
The cast comes
off tomorrow,
thank you.
He
sticks out his
good hand and
Lorelei shakes
it.
CRIBBAGE
Are you
pretending you
don't know who
I am?
LORELEI
No, I'm not.
MCKAY
(to Cribbage)
She isn't even
going to ask.
Cribbage
points to the
menu.
CRIBBAGE
I'll have the
Western if
that's any
clue.
LORELEI
Will you have
hash browns...
A WAITRESS
shouts out to
Lorelei.
WAITRESS
(O.S.)
He always has
it the same
way, Lorelei.
The cooks all
know.
Lorelei looks
in the
direction of
the waitress's
voice.
LORELEI
Thank you.
She looks at
McKay.
LORELEI
How about you
, James?
MCKAY
The same.
Lorelei leaves
to put in the
order.
CRIBBAGE
(looking in
the direction
Lorelei has
gone)
She's
new here.
MCKAY
She shouldn't
be here at
all. She
should be in a
red dress
sitting on a
grand piano
somewhere
singing "Miss
Otis Regrets."
CRIBBAGE
Lorelei, you
know, was a
German siren.
MCKAY
Then she can
sing. Hey,
there's
something you
could do. Hire
her and change
the name of
the play from
Laredo to
Lorelei.
CRIBBAGE
(beat)
That isn't as
bad an idea as
it sounds.
INT.
CRIBBAGE's
APARTMENT
--DAY
Cribbage sits
on the piano
seat his back
to the piano.
He holds an
archtop
guitar.
McKay sits
next to him in
a chair.
CRIBBAGE
Recycling is
the name of
the game in a
stage musical.
Your audience
has time to
remember only
a few melodies
and themes, so
whenever you
can, you give
them the
familiar.
MCKAY
I think you
need to tell
me now why
that isn't a
bore.
CRIBBAGE
Was it a bore
for you to
create a great
chorus and
repeat it two
or even three
times in a
song?
That's a mini
musical.
MCKAY
Go.
CRIBBAGE
Creatively
it's been a
challenge for
me. And you're
often as happy
with your
remakes as
your
originals.
How hard can
you bend that
song before
it's no longer
familiar? Huh?
Is it even a
remake if you
take the
talking guitar
bit from one
song and sing
it as the
melody in
another with
different
words? And
it's like
anything else.
You get what
you put into
it.
MCKAY
Fair enough.
Cribbage
strums a D
chord on the
guitar.
CRIBBAGE
Listen to
that.
Why does every
hack guitar
player from
Maine to
Albuquerque
play in D?
MCKAY
Playing
variations
around that
little D shape
has been the
basis for
about ten
thousand great
songs.
CRIBBAGE
I'm hep.
But is also
the trademark
of the
60-year-old
country singer
who has that
hokey
Nashville
accent and
that big,
pre-emphysemic
cigarette
voice.
MCKAY
How does the
cosmos self
destruct when
someone plays
in D?
CRIBBAGE
It's the
voicing that
does that,
James.
He plays
another D on
the guitar.
CRIBBAGE
I can hear the
lame sound of
a vanilla D a
block away.
MCKAY
And it isn't
pleasing to
your ear.
"Hokey" is it?
Like the nasty
old Nashville
accent? The
way you talk
sounds funny
to me
too.
Beware of
elitism, Sir
Cribbage.
CRIBBAGE
I don't think
enough of
myself to be
accused of
that. But I do
think it's
hokey to have
a required
accent. It
gets stale and
hackneyed.
Fast.
MCKAY
So everyone in
Laredo talks
and sings al
natural?
CRIBBAGE
Well, Pokey
Laredo
--
that's me --
sounds more
like Bugs
Bunny than
James Arness.
MCKAY
Well, he's a
New York
rabbit.
CRIBBAGE
The other
actors and
singers tend
to do the
accent. Sadly,
the audience
expects it.
But it's not
Nashville;
it's generic,
backwoods
bumpkin talk.
No farther
west than
Ohio.
MCKAY
All the same
to me -- just
like what key
you play in.
CRIBBAGE
Well, let's
stay out of D
at least.
MCKAY
How about drop
D?
Cribbage turns
the tuning peg
on the sixth
string and
lowers it from
E to D.
Then he strums
the D chord
again.
CRIBBAGE
Listen to that
drone.
Great for
writing a tune
for bag pipes.
MCKAY
You're
irreverent.
CRIBBAGE
You can hear
that tuning
three blocks
away.
MCKAY
I've written
in drop D.
CRIBBAGE
You
have. I
think
once.
Your
instincts are
good.
Write another
that way and
it will sound
just the
same.
There's a
reason the
guitar is
tuned the way
it is. I
like to play
real guitar.
MCKAY
Real guitar?
You're so full
of shit!
CRIBBAGE
No, no! It's
like the
arrangement of
the keys on a
typewriter.
There are ways
to design the
keys to make
typing as easy
as playing
hack guitar
tuned to open
G. Only
the same arms
with the same
frequently
used letters
would get
stuck together
all the time.
Cribbage puts
his two index
fingers out
and crosses
them.
CRIBBAGE
It's the exact
same thing.
MCKAY
You've got the
whole fucking
world figured
out, haven't
you?
CRIBBAGE
Well, lately
things are
beginning to
make fairly
good sense to
me.
MCKAY
Are you sure
you aren't
just crazy?
CRIBBAGE
Not enough to
be noticed.
MCKAY
I disagree.
You don't even
think it's
crazy to ask
me to sit
right down and
write you a
little western
tune.
CRIBBAGE
It isn't
unless you
can't. By the
way, B flat
would be a
very nice key
to try it in.
INT. MCKAY'S
APARTMENT --
LATE AFTERNOON
McKay sits at
the window
composing with
an Ovation
acoustic
guitar.
Rain pours
outside, and
the window is
streaked with
rain.
He strums a
"vanilla D"
and sings a
short western
song, "When
the Rain Falls
in the
Valley."
MCKAY
(singing)
When
the Rain Falls
in the
Valley.mp3
When I see the
rain fall in
the valley.
Do you see it
too?
When the rain
falls in the
valley
I always think
of you
When I feel
the wind blow
down the
canyon
Do you feel it
too?
When the wind
blows down the
canyon
I always think
of you
Life goes on
Nothing lasts
for long
You look away
once and it's
gone
When I see the
sun set on the
water
Do you see it
too?
When the sun
sets on the
water
Can't help but
think of you
INT.
CRIBBAGE's
APARTMENT --
DAY
Cribbage types
at his desk.
CRIBBAGE
(V.O.)
Well, of
course, he
went right
ahead and
wrote it in
dumbbell
D. But I
had to admit
that I liked
it.
Short, sweet,
tearful.
And the title
alone put it
into the
western
genre.
He knew that
instinctively
I guess.
All he had to
do was put the
word "valley"
in the song
and people
would think
"Red River
Valley, the
West, cowboys,
and saying
adieu to your
sweet little
filly.
INT.
CRIBBAGE's
APARTMENT --
DAY -- LATER
CRIBBAGE
(V.O.)
A couple of
days later I
used his bit
for
inspiration.
Stole the
title to use
as my first
line and wrote
my own bitter,
melancholy
western love
song. I even
wrote it in D.
You can never
have enough
songs.
Cribbage sits
on a chair.
There are
papers around
him on the
couch and
piano. He
reads off of
one sheet of
paper on the
arm of the
couch as he
plays and
sings.
CRIBBAGE
When the rain
falls in the
valley
There's
nothing but
rain to see
Cause when you
went away to
Lowly Canyon
You went
without a word
to me...
INT. THEATER
STAGE -- DAY
Cribbage
directs stage
hands to
arrange giant
plywood
gravestones
with
epitaphs.
McKay is there
but doesn't
help with any
of the work.
One epitaph
reads, "He
called Bill
Smith a Liar,"
another "Here
Lies Lester
Moore, four
slugs from a
forty-four, no
Les, No More."
Cribbage
becomes
impatient and
starts moving
some of them
into position
himself.
He grabs one
that says,
"Ann Parker,
Aged 111, the
Good Die
Young." A
worker behind
him has one
that reads,
"Jake Jenkins,
Never More to
Be"
CRIBBAGE
(V.O.)
I wanted
something to
sing that
would give the
people time to
read the funny
epitaphs.
Cribbage takes
time to put
down the work
and look at
McKay.
CRIBBAGE
What do you
think?
MCKAY
Nice.
I'm going to
look
around.
I'll find you
when I'm done.
CRIBBAGE
Good enough.
McKay
leaves.
Cribbage
continues
giving
directions to
the stage
hands.
INT.
CRIBBAGE's
APARTMENT --
DAY
Cribbage and
McKay come in
the
door.
Cribbage
cheerfully
sings and
dances.
I
wanna go home
and blow the
foam
off a great
big, frosty
mug of beer!
Cribbage opens
the
refrigerator
and takes out
a bottle of
beer.
It's an off
brand whose
label reads
"COTTONWOOD
BREWERY PALE
ALE."
Cribbage sings
some more as
he takes the
magnet bottle
opener off of
the door of
the
refrigerator.
He pops off
the cap with
the opener,
throws the
bottle cap in
the trash bag
under the
sink, and
takes a
swig.
Then he starts
singing again.
CRIBBAGE
When I've got
troubles,
you'll always
hear me say,
"Help's just a
beer away!"
Cribbage lifts
the beer
bottle up to
McKay.
CRIBBAGE
Want one?
MCKAY
No way.
I can't
drink.
CRIBBAGE
Can't.
MCKAY
You've read
the
stories.
A mean Mr.
Hyde, I can
be. Can't
remember the
night before,
so I wake up
horrified at
what I'm going
to be told
I've done.
CRIBBAGE
Don't mind if
I have one, do
you, Mean Mr.
Peace Love
Brother?
MCKAY
Not at all.
Cribbage takes
a swig of the
beer and
starts singing
and dancing
again.
McKay is not
amused, but
lets Cribbage
finish.
CRIBBAGE
Early in the
mornin' when
you've had
lots of sleep,
that's when
the coffee's
sweet! And
when you've
been working
and you have
yourself a
brew.
That's when
your dreams
come true.
MCKAY
Do you fucking
wake up
singing?
CRIBBAGE
I wake up
hearing music.
MCKAY
Your clock
radio.
CRIBBAGE
No.
Music that
isn't there.
MCKAY
You mean in
your head.
CRIBBAGE
No, it's
outside my
head.
MCKAY
It's outside?
CRIBBAGE
Yes,
definitely
outside.
MCKAY
If it's
outside and it
isn't there,
doesn't it
mean you're
crazy?
CRIBBAGE
I don't think
so. You
see, as a boy
I used to
listen to the
air -- this
was before the
Storm Kings
and transistor
radios and I
didn't like
Elvis, so
there wasn't
much for me to
listen to that
I did
like.
Ah, except
Satchmo.
I'd listen to
the air and
hear "Loveless
Love" or
"Hello Dolly."
I could make
the background
noise in a
room sound
like anything.
MCKAY
When the TV
went off the
air, did you
hear voices in
the white
noise?
CRIBBAGE
Actually I
didn't.
And I can't
even hear the
people singing
now.
Well, I can,
but it isn't
voluntary.
MCKAY
The hearing of
voices is an
indication of
serious mental
illness.
CRIBBAGE
Well, I often
wake up to it,
especially if
I've had too
many of these
hoppy beers.
MCKAY
Hops are
hallucinogenic?
CRIBBAGE
They are to
me.
MCKAY
You're a queer
buggerer. And
bloody full of
yourself.
CRIBBAGE
I'm not
bragging that
I can create
anything from
what I hear,
James.
It's all stuff
I've already
listened to a
hundred
times.
In fact it's
just annoying
now.
Like having a
song stuck in
your head when
you're trying
to sleep.
Cribbage
starts to sing
again, eyes
wide with
feigned
misery.
CRIBBAGE
(loudly)
Silence is
golden,
golden!
MCKAY
Oh, thanks.
CRIBBAGE
Now you can
stay up late
and create!
MCKAY
Create what?
CRIBBAGE
Well, I'll
tell you.
Cribbage
guzzles the
beer, opens
the
refrigerator,
and grabs
another.
He pops off
the top with
the opener,
throws the
bottle cap and
the empty in
the trash bag
under the
sink. He
takes a long
draught.
CRIBBAGE
You saw
the new set.
MCKAY
A bunch
of funny
epitaphs.
CRIBBAGE
Yeah, the
jokes stolen
lock stock and
barrel from
Boot
Hill.
Real belly
busters too.
MCKAY
You want a
song to go
with a bunch
of fucking
gravestones?
CRIBBAGE
Exactly.
It will give
the people
something to
listen to
while they
think about
the jokes.
MCKAY
I need
something to
think about
while I listen
to you talk.
CRIBBAGE
Are you game
or not?
MCKAY
I'll have a go
at it. But
here's an
observation:
the show would
be a lot
better without
your
ridiculous
plywood marble
orchard.
INT. THEATER
STAGE -- DAY
Cribbage and
the stage
hands take
down the
plywood
gravestones
and put up a
movie screen.
CRIBBAGE
(V.O.)
When I heard
the song, I
knew I had to
get rid of the
gravestones
and silly
epitaphs.
The song
didn't fit the
set.
McKay had
written me
another
vanilla D
tune, but it
was a fairly
serious song.
INT. THEATER
STAGE -- NIGHT
Cribbage sits
on a stool
singing.
He plays
"Never More to
Be" on a J-200
Gibson jumbo
guitar out of
a D
shape.
Behind him are
screens with a
slide show of
late 1800s
photographs of
people young
and old and
scenes of the
prairie
frontier.
CRIBBAGE
When the
leaves turn
gray in
September and
the winter is
riding on the
breeze...
EXT. CENTRAL
PARK -- DAY
We hear the
music continue
in the
background.
Cribbage walks
Pokey on his
leash. Pokey's
back arches
and Cribbage
grimaces
slightly. He
reaches into
his pants
pocket and
extracts a
plastic bag.
We then see
Cribbage walk,
twirling the
bag, which is
partly full.
He goes to a
trash can and
drops the bag
into it.
CRIBBAGE
(V.O.)
McKay took my
advice about
recycling
existing
material.
He stole my
own talking
guitar riff
off of "Down
the Canyon"
nearly note
for note and
laid it over
the song so I
didn't even
have to learn
a new
part.
But I decided
to have one of
the Buckin'
Bronx pick it
out on his
telecaster in
the orchestra
pit while I
just strummed
away with a D
shape.
EXT.
RESIDENTIAL
STREET IN THE
CITY -- DAY --
CONTINUOUS
The music
continues in
the
background. A
plump,
MIDDLE-AGED
WOMAN walks
her poodle and
passes
Cribbage, who
walks Pokey.
CRIBBAGE
(smiling
sweetly)
Hello, Mrs.
McGreggor.
MIDDLE-AGED
WOMAN
Good
afternoon,
Sylvester.
After she
passes,
Cribbage rolls
his eyes and
sticks out his
tongue.
Cribbage
continues
walking Pokey
on his leash.
CRIBBAGE
(V.O.)
(singing)
They say the
western sky
goes on
forever, but
there's no sky
wider than a
person's eyes.
CRIBBAGE
(V.O.)
It struck me
as a real
western
too. No
swing in it,
but we would
get to that
later.
CRIBBAGE
(V.O.)
When word got
around that
McKay was
composing
tunes for me,
people
couldn't
understand it.
But I knew
exactly why
McKay threw in
with me.
You can't
create without
any context
and he didn't
have
any. I
had a living,
breathing
show.
Who cared if
there were
cowboys in it?
McKay realized
he was going
nowhere --
grinding out
crap only to
get shot for
his trouble.
EXT. DIFFERENT
AREA OF
RESIDENTIAL
STREET IN THE
CITY -- DAY --
CONTINUOUS
The music
continues in
the
background.
Cribbage walks
Pokey on his
leash.
CRIBBAGE
(V.O.)
I never
offered to pay
McKay for
doing this
piecework.
It would never
have crossed
my mind to
figure out
what the
hourly wage of
a guy like
that would
be.
EXT. DIFFERENT
AREA OF
RESIDENTIAL
STREET IN THE
CITY -- DAY --
CONTINUOUS
The music
continues in
the
background.
Cribbage walks
Pokey on his
leash.
CRIBBAGE
(V.O.)
We never
talked about
money.
He could pick
up royalties
from the
records, of
course, and
get some
chicken feed
from sheet
music.
But he was
already worth
a quarter of a
billion
dollars, so I
didn't feel
guilty.
McKay was
where he
needed to be
and he knew
it. I
was doing the
guy a favor by
not charging
him.
CRIBBAGE
(V.O.)
(singing the
last
line of the
song)
Think of all
the people
never more to
be!
Pokey's back
arches and
Cribbage again
grimaces
slightly. He
reaches into
his pants
pocket but is
out of plastic
bags. He slaps
his hip
pockets and
shirt pockets
somewhat
frantically.
Then,
furtively, he
looks left and
right and then
behind
himself.
CRIBBAGE
(giving a
quick tug
to Pokey's
leash)
Let's cheese
it,
buddy.
Cribbage and
Pokey hurry
away from the
scene of the
crime.
INT. DOCTOR'S
OFFICE -- DAY
Cribbage sits
on the
receiving room
cot. The
DOCTOR stands
in front of
him.
CRIBBAGE
I just don't
want anything
that will
interfere with
my monomania.
It's what
makes me who I
am.
DOCTOR
Oh, there are
some drugs
that will do
just that, but
I usually
refer a
patient to a
specialist
before I
prescribe any
of those.
CRIBBAGE
Do you think I
need a
specialist?
DOCTOR
I'm not sure,
frankly. I
think we
should start
by figuring
out where we
are. Your
symptoms on
the face of
them are quite
serious, but
if you were as
troubled as
your symptoms
suggest, you'd
be under
expert care
already.
There's no way
you'd be as
successful and
productive as
you are if
there were
anything
seriously
wrong with
you. When was
this last ...
vision of
yours?
CRIBBAGE
One month ago.
Two months
since the one
before that.
DOCTOR
And it's when
you wake up
--right?--
when you see
someone there?
CRIBBAGE
Yes.
DOCTOR
Hear them too?
CRIBBAGE
Yup.
DOCTOR
Well, auditory
hallucination
is easy for
the mind to
do. For it to
conjure up a
talking
apparition is
another thing.
But I'm
guessing it's
something not
so serious.
Lots of people
just wake up
still
dreaming. It
could be
nothing more
than that.
Let's try a
medication
that's good at
getting rid of
what you call
a feeling of .
. .
CRIBBAGE
Unreality.
DOCTOR
Let's make an
easy positive
move and treat
the unreality
issue first.
It could make
all the
difference.
CRIBBAGE
Let's
hope so.
DOCTOR
(writing on a
pad)
The correct
dose will be
printed out
for you. You
can take one
more pill if
you have a
problem but
never more
than one more
than what's
prescribed
daily. Okay?
CRIBBAGE
Okay.
INT.
CRIBBAGE's
APARTMENT --
DAY
Cribbage sits
on the piano
bench, his
back to the
keyboard and
plays an
archtop
guitar.
McKay sits
next to him in
a chair. He
also has a
guitar, an
Ovation
acoustic, but
he doesn't
play it.
Cribbage
strums the
archtop in the
fast, sure
strokes of
swing style.
The song is
Gershwin's
"I've got
Rhythm." The
song has him
play a chord
every beat
with the
rhythm chop on
the second and
fourth
beats.
Cribbage
whistles the
melody as he
plays.
He finishes
the song.
MCKAY
That looks
like so much
fun.
CRIBBAGE
I've got a
poppy little
number worked
out. It
seems as
though it
should lead to
another song,
but what that
could be I
don't
know.
He plays the
guitar and
sings.
CRIBBAGE
Oh,
Yeah! (Just a
nice attempt
at bubblegum
pop).mp3
Sometimes it
seems that the
world's just
the kind it
should be.
And lately it
seems that the
sun just
shines on me
When I look
into the
mirror
I don't see
the sadness I
used to see
Since I met
you I'm so
glad to be me!
Oh, yeah! Oh,
yeah! Oh,
yeah! Oh,
yeah!
MCKAY
It's poppy all
right.
And, frankly
doesn't
provide much
inspiration.
CRIBBAGE
Inspiration
comes from
within.
MCKAY
Don't get
preachy.
CRIBBAGE
I'm just
telling you
like it
is. Some
British kid in
India teaches
you basic folk
picking and
you found
inspiration
enough to give
him a lesson
in what could
be done with
it.
MCKAY
What song?
CRIBBAGE
The one about
your
mom.
MCKAY
You've been
reading all
the popular
fiction about
me.
CRIBBAGE
Who hasn't?
Great
stories.
Did you really
get the hook
for "Tonight
Only" off of a
theater
ticket?
MCKAY
Yeah, but I
think I work
differently
now.
CRIBBAGE
Well, I know
you do.
That's your
problem.
Cribbage
swings his
legs around
the bench to
face the
piano.
CRIBBAGE
You didn't
need the other
guys in the
Storm Kings to
come up with a
better bridge
on that last
so-called hit
of
yours.
Pokey could
have helped.
Pokey looks up
eagerly from
his place on
the carpet.
Cribbage
balances the
guitar in his
lap plays a
major 7th with
both hands on
the piano and
sings
mockingly with
saccharin
sweetness.
Pokey lies
back down
somewhat
dejectedly.
CRIBBAGE
You're
beautiful!
Cribbage turns
back to look
at McKay.
CRIBBAGE
You get stuck
for
inspiration
and resort to
a big
sugar-frosted
major
seventh.
Your fans will
develop pop
pellagra
feasting on a
diet of corn
like that.
MCKAY
You say
I'm slipping.
CRIBBAGE
No,
James.
You're resting
on your
lapels.
Cribbage looks
at his watch
and gets up.
CRIBBAGE
Show
time.
Hey, could you
do me a favor
and feed
Pokey?
And...if you
could get a
chance to walk
him. He'll pee
on the carpet
eventually if
you
don't.
The leash is
on the piano.
Here's the key
to the
apartment.
MCKAY
(smiling but
not too
pleased)
Okay.
Cribbage hands
McKay the key
with the long
chain.
CRIBBAGE
Go ahead and
keep this one.
I've got a
spare.
MCKAY
Is it okay to
leave my
guitar here? I
don't want to
be lugging it
back and
forth.
CRIBBAGE
Sure. Don't
forget to lock
up.
Thanks.
Bye.
Cribbage
leaves.
MCKAY
(to Pokey)
Well, I've hit
rock bottom. A
gopher for
some loopy
vaquero from
Brooklyn.
C'mon, Pokey!
McKay gets up
and walks to
the
kitchen.
Pokey follows
eagerly. McKay
opens the
refrigerator.
There is a can
of dog food
whose label
reads, "HAPPY
TAILS DOG
FOOD." Next to
it is a bottle
of beer.
McKay picks
the bottle
up. The
label on the
bottle reads,
"COTTONWOOD
BREWERY PALE
ALE,
RIVERSIDE,
CALIFORNIA."
INT.
CRIBBAGE's
APARTMENT --
DAY
Cribbage types
at his desk
wearing his
reading
glasses.
CRIBBAGE
(V.O.)
Well, wasn't
that something
else? I ask
him to write a
little tune to
follow "Oh,
Yeah!" And my
song turns
into a
10-second
intro for his
smash folk hit
"Down by the
Riverside."
INT. THEATER
STAGE -- NIGHT
Cribbage is
center stage
on a stool. He
plays a guitar
and
sings.
The spotlight
is on
him.
CRIBBAGE
Oh, yeah! Oh,
yeah! Oh,
yeah! Oh,
yeah!
Cribbage
switches from
strumming and
begins
standard folk
picking of the
guitar which
leads to the
McKay
composition.
He is an
expert at
picking the
guitar.
There's a
place
Down by the
riverside
Down by the
river
Down by the
riverside
A place I know
Down by the
riverside
Down by the
river
Down by the
riverside
Where the
snowy white
down
From the
cottonwood
trees
Is floatin'
all around
In the summer
breeze
You can see it
up high in the
air
How I wish
that I were
there.
Stage lights
shine on
Amanda and
another female
singer.
They are
seated near
Cribbage and
sing "oo" in
harmony to
back him up.
CRIBBAGE
And you can
sit and watch
the water go
by
Down by the
river
Down by the
riverside
And when the
night falls
Down by the
riverside
Sometimes the
water seems
A hundred
miles wide
And hours fly
Days go by
Seasons start
and end
Years ride
away on the
wind
And we may
never meet
again
But maybe I'll
see you
Down by the
riverside
Down by the
river
Down by the
riverside
And we could
talk
Down by the
riverside
Down by the
river
Down by the
riverside
I know a
cut-off bank
there
Where you can
dangle your
feet
While the hot
burning sand
And the summer
heat
Make you
thirsty as the
water is sweet
I wish that we
could meet
Down by the
riverside
INT.
CRIBBAGE's
APARTMENT --
DAY --
CONTINUOUS
We hear the
orchestral
part of the
song
consisting of
only the music
and "oos" from
the back-up
singers.
Cribbage
types.
The heading on
the page
reads: "THE
RELUCTANT
COWBOY, A
MEMOIR."
INSERT -- THE
HEADING ON THE
PAGE
CRIBBAGE
(V.O.)
What did a guy
from
Manchester
know about
cottonwood
trees anyway
-- or a guy
from Brooklyn
for that
matter? He got
it off the
beer
bottle.
Brewed in
Riverside, CA
no less.
I was getting
a lot more
than I
bargained for
here, but I
couldn't gripe
about
that.
Well, I was
tempted to
when one of my
songs wound up
on the B side
of the single.
INSERT -- THE
45 SINGLE
Cribbage picks
up a 45 single
labeled "Down
by the
Riverside
JAMES MCKAY."
He flips it
over to reveal
the title of
the flip
side.
"The Flip Side
of Love
SYLVESTER T.
CRIBBAGE."
INT. THEATER
STAGE -- NIGHT
-- CONTINUOUS
Cribbage and
the back-up
singers finish
the song.
CRIBBAGE
That water
rolls
along.
Nobody can
pretend
That it's ever
to return
When it's gone
around the
bend.
Still I hope
beyond hope,
my friend, One
day we'll meet
again
Down by the
riverside.
Down by the
riverside.
Down by the
riverside.
INT.
CRIBBAGE's
LIVING ROOM --
DAY
McKay and
Cribbage sit
and talk.
MCKAY
You're taking
my advice?
You're
changing
Laredo to
Lorelei? After
that diner
doll?
CRIBBAGE
Why not? We
get a blondie
in a red dress
who can really
sing, deck the
cast out in
tuxedos, and
we're off and
running. I've
got a million
ideas. It's
how I created
Laredo.
MCKAY
You'll need a
song.
CRIBBAGE
Oh, I'm on it
my friend. I
might need
some help
though.
MCKAY
What's the
name of the
song?
CRIBBAGE
Lorelei! What
else?
MCKAY
Lorelei. Just
don't get any
ideas about my
girl,
Cribbage.
CRIBBAGE
Never crossed
my mind.
MCKAY
You've never
even been
married?
CRIBBAGE
Nope.
MCKAY
How come?
CRIBBAGE
Well, I've had
some bad luck
that really
seems like
good luck now.
And at the
moment I don't
need the
distraction.
MCKAY
I'll bet that
Amanda
distracts you.
CRIBBAGE
Oh, it's not
that I'm
without
libido, James.
It's just that
it's not worth
it. To
be blunt...
He puts a
cupped hand by
the side of
his mouth.
CRIBBAGE
(whispering)
...every time
I get what I
want, I want
'em to get!
MCKAY
Well, I've met
some damnable
fools in my
time, but
you're fucking
daft. A
goddamned
fool. When was
the last time
you had to ask
a woman to
get? Love is
what it's
about. Love.
CRIBBAGE
Oh, yeah?
Love? Then
when was the
last time you
saw your son?
MCKAY
(beat)
Touché. Well,
I did call you
a fool to your
face.
CRIBBAGE
A goddamned
one.
MCKAY
(beat)
Sorry.
There's a
short silence
in the room.
MCKAY
Why don't you
show me what
you've got of
that song?
CRIBBAGE
I need another
day or two.
But look at
this.
He hands McKay
a sheet of
paper on which
are the two
names LAREDO!
and LORELEI,
the former
just above the
latter.
INSERT -- THE
SHEET OF PAPER
CRIBBAGE
It's for the
neon sign on
the Bluebird
Theater. See
how both names
match up and
share letters?
Only a few
characters are
different.
We'll have
those change
blinking on
and off
Laredo! to
Lorelei. A
simple effect.
MCKAY
You know what
you could do
with the "i"
in Lorelei...
EXT. THE
BLUEBIRD
THEATER --
NIGHT
The neon
billing sign
shows the
letters
flashing back
and forth
from
LAREDO! to
LORELEI!. The
"i" in Lorelei
begins to
spin. A
duplicate "i"
is left on the
sign, and then
the spinning
"i" becomes
the
exclamation
point in
"LORELEI!"
INT.
CRIBBAGE's
APARTMENT --
DAY
Mckay and
Cribbage sit
in chairs
facing each
other and
practice
guitar.
CRIBBAGE
My tricks are
really kid's
stuff.
Basic
substitutions.
That kind of
thing.
When a tonic
as a seventh
takes me to
the
subdominate I
like to play a
ninth one half
step above and
slide it down
to get a kind
of steel
guitar feel.
Cribbage plays
a basic E
chord on his
guitar and
then slides up
to put his
middle finger
on the fifth
string, eighth
fret, where he
plays an F
ninth. He
slides that
chord down one
fret to E
ninth.
The E ninth
leads to an A
major, which
he strums
once.
MCKAY
Play a flat
five
CRIBBAGE
Where?
MCKAY
Way up the
neck.
Start with an
A minor
seventh flat
five and slide
it down the
same way to A
flat. The A
flat minor
seventh flat
five will
function as
your E
ninth.
It'll sound
even more like
a steel.
CRIBBAGE
Twelfth fret.
Cribbage plays
the A minor
seventh flat
five chord at
the twelfth
fret.
MCKAY
Then down to
the eleventh.
Cribbage
slides the
chord down one
fret as he
strums.
CRIBBAGE
Nice.
Dumb of me not
to be doing
that all over
the place.
MCKAY
Show me your
swing stuff.
CRIBBAGE
You know all
the shapes.
Just put your
rhythm chop on
two and four.
Cribbage
strums a
four-note G
sixth on the
third fret and
follows it
with a rhythm
chop dampening
the strings.
He plays the
chord and
rhythm chop a
few times
more.
MCKAY
It's the exact
opposite of
rock
rhythm-wise.
CRIBBAGE
Or folk or
country. Don't
even mention
Latin. But the
cowboy songs
tend to swing
if you let
them. They
don't have to
be dirges.
MCKAY
Give me a
generic swing
progression.
CRIBBAGE
(playing the
chords)
Easy. G major
sixth, A flat
diminished, A
minor seventh,
and D seventh.
Try to use
three strings
only.
And mute the
fifth string
most always.
You don't need
it half the
time.
Cribbage and
McKay play the
pattern a few
more times.
McKay's guitar
work is
effortless and
he is
immediately
almost as
adept as
Cribbage with
the style.
CRIBBAGE
(strums a
chord)
This is my
so-called D
seventh, but
there's no D
in it at all.
It would be an
A diminished
in another
song, but here
it subs as a
D.
Sometimes the
first thing to
go in a jazz
chord is the
root itself.
MCKAY
That gives it
an unusual
voice. Cool
chords. Only
three
notes.
Less is
more.
That's a
Freddie Green
secret.
CRIBBAGE
Here, try
extending that
progression
like this.
Cribbage plays
two beats per
chord in a
jazz
progression
that walks up
and back
down.
The chords
each have
three
notes.
They are G
major sixth, A
flat
diminished, A
minor seventh,
B flat
diminished, G
major with the
third in the
base and then
the same
chords in
reverse going
back down
in tone
to the G major
sixth.
Cribbage
chunks the
chords hard
and then
stops.
CRIBBAGE
Chunk!
Chunk!
Cool, huh?
MCAKY
Very.
Show me again.
INT.
CRIBBAGE's
BEDROOM --
NIGHT
Cribbage stirs
in his bed. He
awakes
suddenly.
CRIBBAGE
What? Who's
there?
MCKAY (O.S.)
Nobody but us
famous rock
stars.
Cribbage turns
on the light
on his night
stand.
McKay sits in
the bedroom
chair dressed
entirely in
white.
CRIBBAGE
I shouldn't
have given you
the key. What
the hell are
you doing
here?
MCKAY
I didn't need
the key,
Sylvester.
CRIBBAGE
Well, I sure
as hell didn't
leave the door
unlocked.
MCKAY
You have no
idea what it's
like to be
murdered.
CRIBBAGE
But you
weren't.
MCKAY
Actually, I
was.
McKay
disappears.
CRIBBAGE
(very
loudly)
Shit!
Pokey lifts
his head from
the foot of
the bed.
Cribbage
sits up in
bed, pulls
open the
nightstand
drawer, and
removes a pill
bottle. He
opens it and
takes one of
the pills out.
He puts it in
his mouth and
swallows it.
He chases it
with a gulp
from a
half-full
bottle of beer
taken from the
stand. He then
guzzles the
rest of the
bottle.
He stops a
moment
appearing to
consider
something.
Then he gets
up and goes
down the
hallway,
snapping on
the light to
the living
room.
McKay's
Ovation guitar
is there.
Cribbage picks
it up, holds
it a moment,
and puts it on
the couch. The
strings
brushing
against the
couch fabric
make a quiet
ringing sound.
Cribbage walks
back to the
hall and snaps
off the living
room light. He
turns the
corner into
his bedroom.
For a moment
all that we
see is the
dimly lighted
hallway and
the glow of
the light from
Cribbage's
bedroom. Then
the light goes
out.
EXT. NEW YORK
CITY STREET
Lorelei Engel
walks down the
street, and
James McKay
catches up
with her. When
he does, they
stop to talk.
MCKAY
I was
wondering if
you could
sing.
LORELEI
What?
MCKAY
I was
wondering if
you could
sing.
LORELEI
Why?
MCKAY
Well, if you
can, there's a
part I think
you could
audition for.
LORELEI
Why would you
think of me
especially?
MCKAY
Because I
believe in
serendipity.
You see, the
character who
sings is named
Lorelei.
LORELEI
And how did
that come to
be?
MCKAY
Easy.
Sylvester and
I named her
after you.
LORELEI
How is that
serendipitous?
MCKAY
What?
LORELEI
And why in the
world would
you do that?
MCKAY
I was smitten.
LORELEI
Ah, I see. And
now you're
making a pass.
MCKAY
No, no!
LORELEI
I make a
policy of
never mixing
with the rich
and famous,
James.
MCKAY
Why not?
LORELEI
I'm not that
kind of girl.
MCKAY
I didn't think
you were.
LORELEI
You hoped I
was.
MCKAY
You think I'm
that kind of
guy?
LORELEI
You all are.
MCKAY
I detect some
bitterness
there. You've
got an ex,
haven't you?
LORELEI
Yeah, and I've
got two kids
too that I
have to share
with the
bastard.
MCKAY
Oh, bad scene.
So?
LORELEI
So -- what?
MCKAY
Can you sing?
LORELEI
Not a note.
Look. Maybe
I'll see you
at the diner.
I won't be
serving you
though. I'm
climbing the
corporate
ladder.
Assistant
manager.
Starting
tomorrow.
MCKAY
Congratulations.
Then I'll see
you later. I
was just
hoping you
were waiting
tables to keep
yourself
afloat while
you looked for
singing gigs.
LORELEI
I'm sorry
you're
disappointed.
MCKAY
I am actually
a little, but
I'm glad we
got to talk.
LORELEI
(smiling)
Well, bye.
Lorelei walks
off. McKay
watches
smiling for a
while and then
sighs, turns,
and goes on
his way.
INT.
CRIBBAGE's
KITCHEN -- DAY
Pokey has his
head in the
cabinet below
the kitchen
sink and pulls
trash from the
bag inside.
CRIBBAGE
(O.S.)
Oh, you
naughty dog!
Pokey, caught
red-handed,
slinks from
the cabinet
and cowers.
CRIBBAGE
Oh, No, no!
Good dog. Good
dog! I'm
sorry! Did you
think I liked
the trash more
than you?
He picks up a
now happy
Pokey and
kisses him. He
puts Pokey
back on the
kitchen floor.
CRIBBAGE
Why would I be
mad at you?
What is that
stuff there?
Something I
was saving?
Was it my
special trash?
Listen, I'm
putting you in
charge of the
refuse
department.
From now on,
that trash is
yours. Go get
it!
Pokey looks
up, uncertain.
CRIBBAGE
Go and get it!
Pokey grabs
the trash bag
and shakes his
head. Trash
goes
flying.
Cribbage
smiles.
There is a
knock on the
door. Cribbage
walks to the
living room.
INT.
CRIBBAGE's
LIVING ROOM --
DAY --
CONTINUOUS
McKay has let
himself in.
The TV is on
and McKay is
distracted by
it.
On the TV is a
group of rodeo
cowboys, hats
in hand, heads
bowed in
prayer, some
of them even
kneeling in
the rodeo
arena.
American flags
are seen.
MCKAY
I didn't know
cowboys were
such little
altar boys.
CRIBBAGE
They're not
really calling
on the
Almighty.
They're just
testing the
waters.
MCKAY
What do you
mean?
CRIBBAGE
To see if
there are any
objectors.
There's a
difference
between piety
and
sanctimony.
MCKAY
You judge them
rather
harshly.
One of the
kneeling
cowboys on the
screen with
eyes lowered
in prayer
looks up
furtively at
the crowd. His
eyes shift
once from
right to left.
CRIBBAGE
Well, they can
fool
themselves but
not me. Just
my personal
opinion.
MCKAY
Which are you
-- pious or
sanctimonious?
CRIBBAGE
Let's nope not
sanctimonious
at least. I'm
afraid to say
what I think I
am. Just
because you
say you're
something
doesn't mean
you are.
MCKAY
You're talking
about me.
CRIBBAGE
(beat)
You're not as
thick as you
look. But
you're okay.
At least you
get it, so I
have faith in
you.
MCKAY
If you want to
worship me,
you'll have to
take a number.
Cribbage turns
off the TV and
picks up his
guitar. He
puts the strap
around his
shoulder so he
can play
standing.
CRIBBAGE
Well, here's
what I've got.
An intro and
the A part.
But the song
is crying out
for the
perfect
bridge, which
is your
department,
Mr. McKay.
Listen.
CRIBBAGE
(playing and
singing the
intro)
I'm giving up
these lonely
days forever
Though people
say I'm gonna
wind up blue
Though we've
spent some
time together
I still sigh
Over that girl
I want to love
me
Her name is
Lorelei!
Cribbage plays
a swing
walk-up and
then a
walk-down, a
chord for each
beat, to get
to the main
part of the
song.
CRIBBAGE
(playing and
singing Part
A)
Lorelei,
people always
warn me not to
try
They say
you'll never
be true
Everybody
tells me that
I'm just
another guy
And I will
never make you
love me
It's just my
turn to cry
Cribbage stops
playing.
CRIBBAGE
See what I
mean?
MCKAY
I think I know
where you can
go with that.
CRIBBAGE
(wrinkling his
forehead
and
singing softly
as he
plays)
Everybody
tells me that
I'm just
another guy
And I will
never make you
love me
It's just my
turn to cry
INT. THEATER
STAGE -- NIGHT
The full
orchestral
version of
McKay's bridge
plays.
Cribbage is in
the center of
the stage
dressed in a
tuxedo. He
plays a string
bass and
sings.
The music is
loud, upbeat,
and
rollicking.
CRIBBAGE
(singing)
But there's a
part of this
town I know
you've never
seen.
And there's a
part of your
heart you
don't even
know is there!
Let me show
you
where!
Oh, Lorelei I
know that I,
I, I! could
make you love
me if you'd
only let me
try.
You know it
always amazes
me how you can
get up and
sing with the
band.
How you can
still look
just like an
angel -- with
a drink in
your hand!
Actors in
tuxedos appear
with a blond
beauty in a
red dress on a
piano.
They push the
piano on its
coasters
towards
Cribbage.
CRIBBAGE
(singing)
People say,
"Look out,
boy.
She'll make a
doormat outta
you!
She could
serve me my
heart on a
platter; I
wouldn't care!
How can I bear
to feel the
way I do and
never even
give it a try?
Oh, I've just
got to make
you love me
Lorelei!
The final
chords to the
song are
played on a
guitar from
the orchestra
pit.
They are a
walk-up that
ends with an
Ab6th.
Cribbage sings
the last line
and turns from
his
bass.
The piano is
now within
easy
reach.
He puts his
hand out and
plays three
beats
containing two
notes, one
unchanging,
the other
ascending to
form the
classic Count
Base jazz
ending.
He reaches to
the left on
the piano and
plays a single
low Ab to end
the song.
He smiles at
the girl on
the piano.
INT.
CRIBBAGE's
APARTMENT --
DAY
Cribbage sits
at his
desk. He
has written
out the melody
of "Lorelei!"
on a sheet of
musical staff
paper and
writes the
chords above
the staff to
match the
lyrics written
below
it.
Pokey is
curled up on
the easy chair
next to him.
CRIBBAGE
(V.O.)
I was stuck
for a bridge
and all McKay
did was throw
everything
into the key
of E by
hitting an
unexpected F
sharp
eleventh.
INSERT -- THE
MUSICAL STAFF
PAPER.
Cribbage sings
the lyrics as
he scribbles
F#11th over
the first word
of the bridge,
"There's,"
"B7th" over
the word
"town," "E"
over the word
"never" and
"C#min" over
the word
"seen." At the
end of the
line, he
writes "F#min"
and "B9th"
CRIBBAGE
(singing as he
reads what he
has written)
There's a part
of this town I
know you've
never seen.
Cribbage sings
the lyrics as
he scribbles
F#11th over
the word
"part." and B7
over the word
"heart."
CRIBBAGE
(singing)
And there's a
part of your
heart.
You don't even
know..
CRIBBAGE
(V.O.)
He just strums
another
eleventh, a B
flat, to take
him back to A
flat.
Cribbage sings
the song and
writes
"Bb11th" over
the word
"there,"
holding the
note as he
sings long
enough to
finish writing
the chord
name. He
continues
singing and
writes Eb9
over the words
"Let me" and
Ab6 over the
word "where."
CRIBBAGE
(V.O.)
(singing)
You don't even
know is there!
Let me show
you where!
He holds up
the sheet and
looks at it.
CRIBBAGE
(V.O.)
Well, I asked
for a bridge
and I got
one.
Only it ran
away with the
whole
song. I
called it the
Siamese
fighting fish
bridge because
it was pretty
and could swim
in circles
forever.
I didn't even
need to go
back to what I
had
written.
Humbling but
exactly what I
asked for.
INT. GEORGE
HEINEMANN'S
LIVING ROOM --
NIGHT
Heinemann sits
on the couch
watching
TV.
KATHERINE
STANDAGE does
a story on
Cribbage.
STANDAGE
Sagebrush city
slicker
Sylvester T.
Cribbage, who
has brought
his version of
Dodge City to
Broadway, has
some plans to
transform his
hit musical
into something
more East
Coast -- and
you won't
believe who
he's teaming
up with...
We see a clip
from the show
with the song
"Lorelei!"
The TV shifts
to a picture
of McKay and
Cribbage
goofing off
together.
STANDAGE
Fairly
reliable rumor
has it that
McKay himself
will help in
the musical
transformation.
The TV shifts
to a scene
deciting
Cribbage in a
Tuxedo singing
on stage with
a blonde in a
red dress.
We see the
neon sign
changing from
Laredo! to
Lorelei!
Heinemann
picks up the
phone and
dials a
number.
HEINEMANN
Oh,
Sylvester.
I have a bone
to pick with
you.
INT.
THEATER STAGE
A BLONDE in a
red dress
stands center
stage and
sings "The
Flip Side of
Love".
BLONDE
Before I met
you I had
someone
It wasn't very
long before it
all was done
He made me
sing that
lonesome song
On the flip
side of
love...
INT. BARRY
MULLEN TV TALK
SHOW SET --
NIGHT
BARRY MULLEN
stands center
stage.
BARRY
MULLEN
...so get
ready to
welcome my
guests animal
trainer Orsen
Hughes, the
beautiful
Janet Clayton,
and the ever
irreverent
Sylvester T.
Cribbage!
EXT. NEW YORK
CITY STREET IN
FRONT OF
GEORGE
HEINEMANN'S
APARTMENT
BUILDING. --
DAY
Never More to
Be
Instrumental
plays in the
background
Cribbage waits
for Heinemann
in a sedan.
Heinemann
comes out of
his building
and opens the
car door.
INT.
CRIBBAGE's
SEDAN -- DAY
Cribbage has
an envelope in
the gaudily
embroidered
pocket of his
cowboy shirt.
It reads,
"AVIS RENT A
CAR."
Heinemann
picks the
cowboy hat off
of the
passenger seat
and hands it
to Cribbage,
who puts it on
the dash.
Cribbage
starts driving
and the hat
slides off
into
Heinemann's
lap. Heinemann
hands the hat
back to
Cribbage, who
puts it on his
head.
EXT. HIGHWAY
-- DAY
Cribbage's car
comes out of
the Holland
Tunnel into
New Jersey.
INT.
CRIBBAGE's
SEDAN -- DAY
Cribbage has
on the cowboy
hat as he
drives.
CRIBBAGE
I hate these
little public
appearances.
They take up
so much time.
HEINEMANN
Just try your
best to be
polite this
time. And try
not to say
anything too
wacky.
Cribbage looks
in his rear
view mirror.
He sees police
cars and
flashing red
and blue
lights.
CRIBBAGE
What the hell
is this all
about?
Heinemann
turns and
looks through
the rear
window.
EXT. SIDE OF
THE HIGHWAY --
DAY
We hear the
loud sound of
Cribbage and
Heinemann's
wind knocked
out them as
they are
thrown to the
ground by
police.
Cribbage looks
up and is
struck in the
face by a
POLICEMAN.
POLICEMAN
Stay down, you
son of a
bitch!
INT. BARRY
MULLEN TV TALK
SHOW SET --
NIGHT
Cribbage is
center stage
with the
cowboy outfit
on. He
does a
stand-up act
and has a
black eye.
CRIBBAGE
...I hate
that!
We hear a drum
roll.
The audience
laughs.
CRIBBAGE
You know what
else I hate?
Getting beat
up by the
Jersey City
cops.
The other day
I was driving
down the road
dressed as I
am
today.
Minding my own
business.
I come out of
the Holland
Tunnel and see
about ten
black and
whites
screaming
behind
me.
Little did I
know some
clown from
Wyoming
wearing a
Stetson had
just held up
the First
Federal.
Next thing I
know, I'm
pulled out of
my car and two
cops are
taking turns
trying to
strangle me
while the rest
are beating me
over the head
with whatever
they got
handy.
Flashlights.
Nightsticks.
Chunks of
cement they
find along the
road. It
was
awful. I
have to admit
they did
apologize.
They said,
"We're very
sorry, Mr.
Cribbage, but
we don't get
many cowpokes
driving out of
the
Tunnel.
I said, "Word
gets out how
you treat
them, and
you're not
likely to get
many more!"
We hear a drum
roll. We
hear laughter
from the
audience along
with some
good-natured
groans and a
couple of
playful boos
at the
overdone joke.
CRIBBAGE
But most of
all, I hate
going to the
dentist.
The other day
I was at the
dentist's and
he started
drilling into
my
mouth. I
said, "What
are you
drilling for
-- oil? He
said, "No,
your wallet!"
We hear a drum
roll.
The audience
laughs.
CRIBBAGE
Thank you very
much ladies
and gentlemen!
INT. THEATER
STAGE -- NIGHT
The stage is
dark except
for where
Cribbage
stands in the
spotlight
wearing a
tuxedo.
CRIBBAGE
An angel of
angels.
Svelte,
mysterious, a
temptress --
but no tramp!
Lorelei, a
German siren.
We hear a loud
German siren,
and Cribbage
waves it to
silence with
mock furor and
impatience.
CRIBBAGE
Not that kind
of siren!
INT. BACKSTAGE
-- MOMENTS
LATER
Cribbage comes
from the stage
in his tuxedo.
He walks
quickly and
then stops.
McKay walks
up.
CRIBBAGE
This is harder
than I
thought. I
can't change
in time to get
back.
MCKAY
(smiling
happily)
Oh, nice, nice
planning!
You've got to
go out and
play cowpoke
in a tux? This
is great!
CRIBBAGE
(shouting)
A hat someone!
A stage hand
runs up with a
black cowboy
hat and
Cribbage puts
it on.
MCKAY
Well, that'll
have to do.
A MUSICIAN
walks up. He
is a rather
disheveled,
hippy type.
MUSICIAN
Here's the
sheet music
with my
corrections
for you to
proof, Mr.
Cribbage.
CRIBBAGE
No time, pal.
MCKAY
I'll take it.
The musician
hands the
sheets to
McKay.
Cribbage gives
a mock
expression of
determination
and pulls the
hat down
sideways over
one eye. He
feigns licking
his thumb and
then makes a
slow swipe
with it across
the front
brim. Then he
heads for the
stage.
McKay looks at
the sheet
music. The
musician reads
over his
shoulder.
INSERT -- THE
SHEET MUSIC
MCKAY (O.S.)
(reading
from the
sheet)
Lorelei! Words
and Music by
Sylvester T.
Cribbage and
James McKay.
MUSICIAN
You got second
billing.
MCKAY
(looking at
the music)
Well, I'm
growing.
MUSICIAN
You're
growing?
MCKAY
I'm morphing!
EXT. NEW YORK
CITY STREET --
DAY
SUPER:
"MEMORIAL DAY
NEW YORK CITY,
1981."
A Memorial Day
parade bangs
through the
streets. There
are marching
bands and
floats, some
with military
themes. The
sign on one
float reads,
"DAY OF
REMEMBRANCE."
Cribbage
stands on the
sidewalk among
the noise and
bustle as the
loud parade
passes.
CRIBBAGE
(V.O.)
When McKay
composed,
people
listened. It
wasn't a
surprise that
his songs
caught the
public fancy,
and I found
out something
about myself
when they did.
That something
is that --
despite the
many faults
I'll admit to
as well as
those I won't
-- I'm not the
envious type.
I was happy
for the guy. I
felt somehow I
was a part of
something
bigger than
James McKay
and certainly
bigger than
myself.
An American
flag adorned
float passes
with the words
"THINK OF ALL
THE PEOPLE." A
noisy,
six-piece
brass band
sits atop the
float in front
of the sign
playing at the
decibel level
of a major
train wreck.
The song is
"Never More to
Be."
INT. BARRY
MULLEN TV TALK
SHOW SET --
NIGHT
Cribbage is
seated next to
the host,
BARRY MULLEN.
MULLEN
That mugging
by the cops
really
happened?
CRIBBAGE
True story!
True story!
MULLEN
That's a nice
shiner.
Any plans to
take action?
CRIBBAGE
Are you
kidding? What
for? The
bread? I'm
making a
fortune on my
western record
album.
He looks at
the audience
and rolls his
eyes.
CRIBBAGE
Besides, the
cops did me a
favor.
You see, my
producer,
Georgie
Heinemann was
in the car and
they worked
him over
pretty good
too.
They had us
face down
hogtied on the
ground and our
mouths propped
open with a
couple of
sticks.
Georgie spits
out his stick
and says,
"Sylvester,
I'm gonna take
this as a
sign.
You've got my
permission to
get rid of
that
ridiculous
hat."
The audience
laughs.
MULLEN
You've still
got it on.
CRIBBAGE
Yeah, but
understand
that it's a
slow
process.
I think you
have to get
weaned off of
these things.
Cribbage turns
to the
audience.
CRIBBAGE
(Keeping his
Brooklyn
accent and
perhaps
laying it on
expecially
thick)
Those stalwart
pioneers
headed west
across them
plains.
Each one of
them newborn
babes was
weaned on a
buffalo
chip.
The audience
laughs.
CRIBBAGE
It took
courage in
them days, but
dey pressed on
-- westward
across them
plains.
Using buffalo
chips for
their
cookin'...
Cribbage looks
sideways at
the audience.
CRIBBAGE
Using buffalo
chips for
their eatin'!
The audience
laughs.
INT. MCKAY'S
APARTMENT --
NIGHT
McKay sits
composing with
a Gibson round
shouldered
dreadnaught
guitar.
He strums a
slow tempo --
a CMaj6 on the
eighth fret
and slides to
the fifth fret
for an A
minor.
He continues
with Fmaj, Bb9
played right
at the nut and
back to a
four-note
CMaj6, keeping
the same tempo
for the other
chords.
On the last
line, he
begins playing
a swing guitar
style with the
rhythm chop on
the second and
fourth beats.
"Hey, Lorelei!
How time just
seems to pass
us by.
Can't you
think of
something we
can do?
I know you've
got your job
And you mean
to earn your
pay
And I know
you're always
giving.
Maybe it's
time you gave
your heart
away."
INT. THEATER
STAGE --
CONTINUOUS
Cribbage is on
stage seated
with a
guitar.
He takes over
the song just
where McKay
has left off
but in a much
louder,
clearer voice
and at a
slightly
faster tempo
with a sound
system and
backing bass
and
drums.
CRIBBAGE
"Hey, Lorelei!
Isn't it too
much for you?
You just get
by.
Can't you let
me lend a
hand?
You've got to
seize the
moment
Before you're
old and gray.
If it's time
to start
living,
Maybe it's
time you gave
your heart
away."
Cribbage goes
to the bridge,
which is a key
change to G
major.
CRIBBAGE
"I see your
eyes and I see
envious skies,
But the way
you live your
life you've
always got to
hurry.
And I see you
at odds with a
heart full of
worry
Cause you're
always alone.
Just like me"
On the word
"me" the G
chord becomes
a seventh and
functions as
the dominant
leading back
to the key of
C and the A
part of the
song.
CRIBBAGE
"Hey, Lorelei!
Why should you
do it all
alone?
Why should you
try?
Can't you see
me standin' by
your side?
I know you've
got your kids
You've gotta
feed them
every day
So I know just
how you're
driven
But maybe it's
time you gave
your heart
away."
The word
"away" in the
tagged line at
the end of the
song is held
for as close
to two
measures as
Cribbage can
manage and the
sixth has been
left out so
the guitar
chord is a
simple, clear
C major.
The curtain
closes to
applause.
CRIBBAGE
(V.O.)
I saw my
chance to save
poor Michael
at last from
life
imprisonment
in the horse
suit.
He'd been a
trooper.
I wrote a new
line at the
end of the
song so the
show could
close with it
instead of
"Good-bye
Trail Mates."
And good
riddance to
bad rubbish!
INT. THEATER
STAGE -- NIGHT
CRIBBAGE
I see your
eyes and I see
envious skies,
But the way
you live your
life you've
always got to
hurry.
And I see you
at odds with a
heart full of
worry
‘Cause you're
always alone.
Just like me
Hey, Lorelei!
If you don’t
give your
heart away,
one day you’ll
look back and
cry.
The curtain
closes the
house lights
come up and
the crowd
stands and
applauds.
CRIBBAGE
(V.O.)
Ah, and then
for the
finale.
No more Happy
Trails
stuff.
Instead, how’s
about a syrupy
lullaby?
And McKay
didn’t even
help me on
it. Get
rid of the
cows, keep the
corn. I
saved this one
for the encore
The house
lights dim.
The curtain
opens. The
stage is dark
with only
Cribbage in a
spotlight.
CRIBBAGE
Thank you
friends for
inviting me
back. I think
as a
fare-thee-well
I just play
this old
lullaby.
CRIBBAGE
(V.O.)
Old, you know,
like it’s
already a
classic.
That’s how to
package a
song.
CRIBBAGE
(singing)
Looks like the
darkness in
the sky is
slowly
fading...
The music
fades
away.
It’s the end
of the show,
and the
curtain closes
to
applause.
The horns
start loudly
playing
McKay’s bridge
music for the
song
“Lorelei!” and
the curtain
opens
again.
The performers
take their
bows.
INT. PRACTICE
ROOM -- DAY
THE BUCKIN'
BRONX
Practice. We
see guitars, a
bass, and
drums.
Cribbage sings
"You Can't
Fool Me" as he
picks a guitar
in a Merle
Travis style.
The other
guitarists
back him up.
CRIBBAGE
Your non-stop
naggin' and
third degree
Are part of a
plan to murder
me
I may look
dumb
But I know
what you're
thinkin'
THE BUCKIN'
BRONX
You can't fool
me
You're just
trying to
start me
drinkin'!
CRIBBAGE
I met you down
in Laramie
You threw a
bottle of beer
at me
Well, I may
look dumb
But I know
what you're
thinkin'
CRIBBAGE
I used to talk
about my catch
Now all I've
got is a
shouting match
I may look
dumb
But I know
what you're
thinkin'
THE BUCKIN'
BRONX
You can't fool
me
You're just
trying to
start me
drinkin'!
The song ends
in a tag.
THE BUCKIN'
BRONX
You can't fool
me
You're just
trying to
start me
drinkin'!
CRIBBAGE
Well, that's a
fun one.
Too country
for Laredo,
much less
Lorelei.
DRUMMER
I like it.
CRIBBAGE
Well, you can
have it.
Try it at the
Ten Gallon
Manhattan.
It's a good
sing-along for
those gin
fizzes.
That's it
boys.
Tomorrow's
practice is
cancelled.
Heinemann has
me out of town
for three
days. Promo
stuff. Hate
it. See you
Friday for the
show.
The BAND
MEMBERS start
breaking down
their
equipment.
BAND
MEMBERS
I had fun.
Thanks,
Sylvester. See
you then.
Thanks,
Sylvester.
INT. HALLWAY
PHONE IN THE
BLUEBIRD
THEATER -- ONE
MINUTE LATER
Cribbage is on
the phone.
CRIBBAGE
Hi, James.
Say, I've got
to go out of
town and I
suddenly got a
swingin' idea.
MCKAY (V.O.)
What could
that be?
CRIBBAGE
Well, I was
thinking that
if you might
be popping
into my
apartment to
compose
anyway, you
could do me a
favor.
MCKAY (V.O.)
You want me to
take care of
Pokey. Yeah,
okay. He and I
are pals.
CRIBBAGE
Oh, thanks.
That saves me
dealing with
the dog sitter
again. I love
her dearly,
but she's
bats. Just
make yourself
at home there
as usual. I'll
be back
Thursday.
Thanks
zillions,
Buddy.
MCKAY (V.O.)
Don't mention
it. Enjoy your
trip.
Cribbage hangs
up the phone.
INT.
CRIBBAGE's
KITCHEN TABLE
-- DAY
McKay sits at
the table
writing, and
Pokey has his
paws on his
leg. Pokey
jumps down and
looks up.
McKay finishes
writing and
looks at
Pokey.
MCKAY
This is for
the revised
edition of my
book. You were
my
inspiration,
Pokey.
He lifts the
sheet of paper
to read.
MCKAY
(in way
over-the-top
Scouse)
There's a
certain kind
of green fly
You know the
ones I mean
The ones when
doggie
defecates
Come flyin' on
the scene
They appear as
if by magic
They appear as
in a dream
With their
emerald
opalescence
And their
iridescent
sheen
When doggie
doesn't
defecate
These flies
are never seen
So where do
green flies
come from?
From some
green fly
machine?
From the
carcass of a
rotting steer
In some dried
up ravine?
Where do green
flies come
from?
Do they hatch
from a green
fly bean?
Or when doggie
poops does
someone
somewhere
Open up a
screen?
And let the
green flies
fly about
To on his
stool convene?
I'll never
know the
answer
But I judge
from their
cuisine
That the place
the green
flies call
their home
Is a place
that's none
too clean!
He puts the
paper down.
MCKAY
What do you
think? Suppose
it could go in
Laredo? I
guess not.
Pokey looks up
quizzically.
INT. THE
COMPASS ROSE
DINER --
MORNING
McKay sits
down at a
table. He is
next to a
window through
which rain we
see rain
falling on the
street. The
diner is not
very busy.
A WAITRESS
comes and
gives him a
menu.
WAITRESS
Would you like
me to bring
you something
to drink, sir,
while you
decide on your
order?
MCKAY
Just coffee
and, no, I
already know
what I want --
the Western.
She takes out
her pad.
WAITRESS
Hash browns or
fries?
MCKAY
Hash browns.
The waitress
writes on her
pad.
WAITRESS
Whole wheat,
white, or rye?
MCKAY
Rye.
WAITRESS
Eggs done how?
MCKAY
Over hard. You
know, I'm
curious. I
wasn't asked
for my choices
last time.
WAITRESS
That's because
Sylvester
Cribbage
always has his
Western the
same way.
MCKAY
Sylvester TEE
Cribbage. I
remember now.
WAITRESS
Right. I'll
get your
coffee.
MCKAY
(to
himself)
Sheesh! She
wasn't even
here and she
remembers. Our
little
breakfast must
have been all
the buzz
around the
steam cabinet.
LORELEI
(O.S.)
You know, I've
only seen you
here once.
McKay looks up
and sees
Lorelei
standing
there.
MCKAY
Oh, hi.
LORELEI
Mind if
I sit for a
minute?
MCKAY
Please.
Lorelei takes
a seat across
from McKay.
LORELEI
I'm beginning
to wish I
could sing.
MCKAY
New job's
rough, is it?
LORELEI
I shouldn't
complain. It's
what I want.
You might be
surprised to
know that.
There's a lot
to learn. I
mean a lot. So
that's what I
want to do.
MCKAY
Good for you.
I'm not
surprised.
Singing's for
losers anyway.
LORELEI
I don't think
you're a
loser.
The waitress
comes with the
coffee. McKay
puts in cream
and sugar.
MCKAY
So I take it,
it's the
ex-hubby.
LORELEI
I guess it
shows.
MCKAY
It must; I can
be pretty
thick.
LORELEI
Things would
be so good if
he weren't
making
trouble.
MCKAY
I'm sorry. But
just ignore
that jerk.
Enjoy your new
job and your
kids.
LORELEI
James, he's
not a good
person. How
could I have
been so dumb?
MCKAY
It's always a
crap shoot.
You never know
a person until
time passes.
I'm especially
qualified to
say that; look
how long it
took my wife
to find out
about me. I
didn't make
trouble. I
just ran. I
guess you
could say
that's even
worse.
LORELEI
At least you
can admit it.
MCKAY
Just don't let
it give you
the blues.
LORELEI
There's a lot
of that going
around.
Lorelei looks
through the
window at the
rain.
LORELEI
Even the sky's
got the blues.
She gets up.
LORELEI
Well, I've got
to go boss
some folks
around.
MCKAY
That's the
spirit.
LORELEI
You're not as
bad a guy as
your ex-wife
might believe.
MCKAY
Thanks. I
think. If you
need to talk
some more...
LORELEI
I really meant
what I said
before about
my not mixing
that way.
MCKAY
I would like
to see you
again.
Lorelei looks
at him quite
sternly.
MCKAY
It's an effort
for me. I
don't like to
press.
LORELEI
Then don't.
Her expression
softens and
she relents.
LORELEI
Thanks for
being so nice.
MCKAY
It's my
pleasure,
dear.
Lorelei
leaves. The
waitress comes
with McKay's
Western.
INT. THEATER
STAGE --
NIGHT
--
SOMETIME IN
THE FUTURE
Black blues
singer GREGG
COLEMAN is on
stage. He
sings the song
"Even the
Sky's Got the
Blues."
And I'm the
kind of guy
Who would
never even
sigh
But now I find
myself staring
out the window
And way up
high
Seems even the
sky's got the
blues...
EXT. NEW YORK
CITY STREET --
NIGHT
McKay stands
on the
sidewalk
looking at the
lighted sign
that reads
"THE
TEN-GALLON
MANHATTAN --
LIBATIONS,
VICTUALS,
AND
WESTERN MUSIC"
McKay enters.
The band
members
recognize him
at once and
wave at him.
One member
quickly waves
a barmaid to
him and
whispers to
her. Then the
band starts
"You Can't
Fool Me."
The audience,
most of whom
are drunk,
respond with
enthusiasm.
They've
apparently
heard it
played before
and are right
on time when
they sing the
refrain: "You
can't fool me,
you're just
trying to
start me
drinkin'!"
THE GUITARIST
is at it with
his Travis
style thumb
picking and
slips into a
Travis Version
of Isham
Jones' and Gus
Kahn's "I'll
See You in My
Dreams" to
fill out the
song.
The BARMAID
comes to
McKay's table
with a drink.
BARMAID (to
McKay)
It's from the
band.
MCKAY
I...
Band members
see from the
stage that the
drink has been
served and
smile and nod
at him as they
play.
McKay smiles
and raises the
glass. He
doesn't drink
but puts the
glass back on
the table.
THE GUITARIST
finishes his
instrumental
and picks and
sings the last
verse of the
drinking song.
THE GUITARIST
I used to talk
about my catch
Now, all I've
got is a
shouting match
Well, I may
look dumb
But I know
what you're
thinkin'
You can't fool
me
You're just
trying to
start me
drinkin'!
McKay Raises
the glass to
his lips.
THE BUCKIN'
BRONX AND THE
CROWD
You can't fool
me
You're just
trying to
start me
drinkin'!
INT.
CRIBBAGE's
APARTMENT --
NIGHT
McKay stands
unsteadily in
front of
Cribbage's
refrigerator
with the door
open. He grabs
the sole
bottle of
Cottonwood
Brewery PALE
Ale inside and
slams the door
shut. He tries
to snatch the
magnetic
bottle opener
from the door
but drops it.
As he leans
down to get
it, he is
faced with a
quizzical
Pokey.
MCKAY
(Menacingly)
What do you
want, you
ingrate? Take
you for your
walkies and
the only time
you deign to
as much as say
hello is when
I've got the
bloody
refrigerator
door open.
Hungry, are
you? You
miserable cur!
Pokey,
frightened at
the tone,
turns and runs
to the bed in
the room
across the
hall from the
kitchen. He
sits up and
looks
nervously at
McKay, who has
turned his
attention to
the bottle and
opener.
McKay uncaps
the beer and
chugs the
contents. He
tosses the
empty bottle
on the
countertop and
slaps the
opener back on
the
refrigerator
door.
MCKAY
Ought to be
something more
down the
street.
When McKay
speaks, Pokey
leaves the bed
and runs
around a
corner out of
sight.
McKay pulls
the apartment
keys from his
pocket and
heads out of
the kitchen to
the living
room.
EXT. FRONT
DOOR OF
CRIBBAGE's
APARTMENT --
NIGHT
McKay stands
on the top of
the cement
stairs and
fumbles with
the key. It is
attached to
its length of
sturdy, rough
chain. McKay
holds the door
open while he
inserts the
key in the
door lock.
Drunkenly, he
slams the door
shut.
The swinging
keychain is
caught tight,
slammed in the
door, but
McKay reaches
over and turns
the key to
lock the
apartment. The
chain loops
over the key,
holding it
fast. McKay
tries to
remove the
key, but the
chain is
jammed in the
door, and the
key will not
budge.
MCKAY
Bloody hell!
He yanks at
the chain and
lets out a cry
of pain. His
fingers are
cut and
bleeding.
McKay turns
from the door,
staring at his
bloody hand.
He takes a
step forward
and falls down
the stairs,
barking his
knuckles on
the rough
cement
sidewalk at
the bottom. He
stares at his
smashed
knuckles.
He gets up and
staggers down
the street. He
walks until he
is barely
visible. He
can be seen to
turn a corner
in the
distance.
EXT. NEW YORK
CITY STREET --
NIGHT --
FIFTEEN
MINUTES LATER
McKay crosses
a dark street
to where he
sees a
storefront
lighted. He
stubs his toe
on the curb
when he
reaches the
other side and
falls face
first on the
sidewalk.
He looks up to
see Lorelei
standing above
him. She helps
him to his
feet.
MCKAY
I'm locked out
out of the
apartment.
LORELEI
(inhaling
through her
nose and
grimacing)
Whew! You're
more than
that.
MCKAY
Yeah, I'm
sick.
LORELEI
You'd get run
over just
hailing a cab
home in your
condition. I'm
just down the
street. I'll
put you up,
but only if
you behave
yourself.
MCKAY
Okay.
They begin
walking.
Lorelei
steadies
McKay, and he
drunkenly
embraces her
as they walk.
She pushes him
away. McKay
smiles with
the smile of a
loveable
drunk. The
mean drunk has
gone out of
him in the
presence of
Lorelei.
They reach her
apartment and
Lorelei
unlocks the
door.
MCKAY
Kids with a
baby
sitter?
LORELEI
Yeah, their
grandmother in
Connecticut.
Nice break for
me, and my mom
can't get
enough of
them.
They go inside
the
apartment.
McKay turns
pale. He
covers his
mouth.
MCKAY
Oh, God, where
is it?
Lorelei points
to the
bathroom.
McKay falls to
his knees in
front of the
toilet and
vomits in the
bowl. Lorelei
rolls her eyes
in disgust.
McKay flushes
the toilet and
then stands
and drinks
from the sink
faucet. He
splashes water
on his face.
LORELEI
This way.
She leads
McKay to the
children's
bedroom and
McKay falls
onto one of
the beds and
rolls onto his
back.
Lorelei, not
very lovingly,
tosses a
blanket over
him. McKay
lies on the
bed looking up
with a
contented,
drunken grin
on his face.
LORELEI
I've got to be
at the
restaurant
early, so you
can have
breakfast
there. That's
if you're
through
throwing up by
then.
McKay doesn't
answer. He
snores with
the vestiges
of the drunken
grin still on
his face. We
hear the door
close.
INT.
CHILDREN'S
BEDROOM --
MORNING
Daylight
streams
through a
window. McKay
lies asleep on
the bed. He's
on his back.
There is the
sound of
voices and of
police radios.
McKay awakes,
confusion on
his face. The
door to the
bedroom bangs
open and
police begin
pulling McKay
from the bed.
INT.
CRIBBAGE's
HOTEL ROOM --
DAY
Cribbage sits
on one of the
large double
beds in the
fairly plush
hotel room. A
football game
is on TV and
it is
interrupted
suddenly by a
NEWS
ANNOUNCER.
NEWS ANNOUNCER
A shocker from
New York City.
James McKay,
former Storm
Kings leader
and victim of
violence has
himself been
arrested in
the brutal
beating of
Lorelei Engel.
Engel is
rumored to
have been the
inspiration
for the
Broadway stage
production
Lorelei!
Details are
sketchy now,
but police
investigator
William
Marshall says
there is
evidence that
McKay is the
perpetrator
and will be
charged with
the crime.
Engel is in a
coma and
unable to
provide any
information.
Her condition
is listed as
guarded. We
will be back
with more news
on this
breaking story
as soon as it
is available.
Cribbage puts
his face in
his hands.
Then he stands
and goes to
the other bed
where he has
left his
suitcase. He
opens the
suitcase and
takes
something from
it. He walks
to the desk by
the window and
sets a small
candle there
and lights it
with a match.
He puts his
hand over his
mouth and
looks out the
window.
Cribbage's
reverie stops
suddenly as a
thought comes
to his
mind. He
goes to the
phone and
quickly calls
the dog
sitter.
DOG
SITTER (V.O.)
Hello,
Maggie's Mutt
Service. How
can I help
you?
CRIBBAGE
Maggie, you
angel from
heaven.
Thank God
you're home.
THE DOG
SITTER
(V.O.)
Sylvester,
darling. You
sound upset.
CRIBBAGE
I am and I
need you to
grab my
apartment key
now and go
check on
Pokey. It's an
emergency.
Can you do it?
THE DOG
SITTER
(V.O.)
Anything for
you,
Sylvester.
CRIBBAGE
Wonderful.
Call me on my
phone the
minute you get
there. I'm at
the Sheradan
in
Philadelphia.
The
number's...
THE DOG SITTER
(V.O.)
Philadelphia?
Who's taking
care of little
Pokey?
CRIBBAGE
Just get there
and call me,
dearest.
I'll explain
later.
Here's the
number...
Cribbage rolls
his eyes.
INT. POLICE
STATION
INTERROGATION
ROOM -- DAY
McKay sits on
a folding
metal chair
with his arms
on the table
in front of
it. He is
unshaven, hung
over,
distraught. He
puts his head
on the table
but lifts it
when the door
opens.
THE POLICE
INTERROGATOR
enters. He is
overweight and
is dressed in
slacks and a
wrinkled white
shirt that
isn't
completely
tucked in. He
sits in the
chair next to
McKay.
THE
POLICE
INTERROGATOR
How did you
injure your
hands, Mr.
McKay?
MCKAY
I don't
remember.
THE POLICE
INTERROGATOR
Well, let's
talk a little
about it and
see if we can.
MCKAY
I want a
lawyer.
THE
POLICE
INTERROGATOR
(beat)
Okay. Sit
tight and I'll
be
back in a
minute.
INT. POLICE
STATION OFFICE
-- DAY
Through a
two-way
mirror, McKay
can be seen
exhausted with
his head back
on the table.
THE POLICE
INTERROGATOR
and a FEMALE
DETECTIVE look
at him.
THE POLICE
INTERROGATOR
Well, he
ain't dumb.
He's a son of
a bitch, but
he ain't dumb.
FEMALE
DETECTIVE
Don't worry;
he's good for
this and we'll
get him for
it.
INT. THEATER
STAGE -- NIGHT
Cribbage is
alone on
stage, seated.
He plays a
guitar in the
spotlight and
sings.
Hey, Mr.
Heartache
Don't knock on
my door
You've been
around here
before
Don't need you
to bring me a
reason to sigh
Sometimes it's
a sad sad
world...
INT. JAIL CELL
-- DAY
McKay is
curled in a
ball at the
end of a bench
in a cell. A
JAIL OFFICER
opens the door
to the cell.
JAIL OFFICER
(gruffly)
You're in the
clear. She
woke up and
pinned it on
the ex.
MCKAY
Is she
all right?
JAIL
OFFICER
You're
free to go.
MCKAY
Is she all
right?
JAIL OFFICER
I've told you
all I know.
EXT. JAIL
BUILDING --
DAY
McKay stands
on the
sidewalk
confused. He
looks up to
the sky and
takes a deep
breath. There
are tears in
his eyes.
INT.
CRIBBAGE's
APARTMENT --
DAY
McKay sits on
the sofa.
Cribbage sits
on the piano
bench facing
him.
MCKAY
Have you ever
done really
wrong?
CRIBBAGE
Oh, more than
once I'm
afraid.
Not so bad.
MCKAY
And how did
you face
yourself?
CRIBBAGE
I said to
myself, "The
name's
Cribbage --
not Christ."
MCKAY
Kind of a
cop-out.
CRIBBAGE
It would be
exactly that
if I hadn't
tried and
failed despite
myself. Like
you.
MCKAY
Christ himself
wouldn't
forgive me.
CRIBBAGE
Er...James,
you didn't do
it --
remember?
MCKAY
Don't you
understand? I
didn't know I
didn't do it.
CRIBBAGE
So? Your
name's James,
not Jesus.
MCKAY
It's not just
this. It's my
whole fucking
life.
I'm not a
religious
man. I
not sure there
is such a
thing as
redemption.
CRIBBAGE
Well I
do. But
don't look to
me for it.
MCKAY
I'm sure as
hell not going
to your god
for it!
CRIBBAGE
That's not
what I
meant. I
don't want you
to. I
don't want
anyone
to. I
only want
people to
believe in
their own
gospel,
whatever it
is.
MCKAY
I can't
make amends.
CRIBBAGE
See what I
mean?
MCKAY
What?
CRIBBAGE
You can make
Peace,
James.
Peace.
C'mon. It
looks as
though you
been
given yet
another second
chance,
so just thank
your lucky
stars
and be happy.
SUPER:
"ONE MONTH
LATER."
INT. THEATER
STAGE -- NIGHT
Gregg Coleman
is in a tuxedo
center stage.
He sings an
operatic
version of
"Never More to
Be."
COLEMAN
Folks I know
are
contemplatin'
‘Bout a
westward land
that's
out there
waitin'
Where the
boughs hang
heavy
beneath a
perfect sky...
There is a
pause with the
music fading,
and suddenly
the singer
almost shouts
the last
words.
COLEMAN
Think of all
the people
Never more to
be!
INT. BACKSTAGE
-- NIGHT
CRIBBAGE
(looking
toward the
stage)
Oh, this is so
much more on
the mark than
Laredo!
He looks at
the people
around him.
They are
actors and
singers and
they smile
along with
him. McKay
walks up.
CRIBBAGE
(to McKay)
Well, not
everything's
great. They've
talked me into
putting on the
cowboy duds
again and
browsing
around some
to-do with the
bosses. It's
tonight, so
I've got to
get moving.
Not thrilled,
but I've gotta
do it.
COLEMAN
arrives from
the stage and
greets
people.
McKay offers
his hand and
the singer
shakes it.
MCKAY
I really liked
your take on
the song.
Sounded great!
COLEMAN
Well, thank
you, sir.
Coleman leaves
to greet
others.
MCKAY
(to
Cribbage)
You know, I've
possibly forty
years left to
get whatever
it is
finished. I'm
thinking of
making a
list.
CRIBBAGE
I think it
would be a
good
idea.
MCKAY
You know, I'm
glad I fell in
with you,
Sylvester.
CRIBBAGE
Oh! Before I
forget. I had
breakfast at
the Compass
Rose Diner.
MCKAY
I haven't gone
back there.
CRIBBAGE
Maybe you
should. They
told me
Lorelei will
be back at
work tomorrow.
Be kind of
nice to
welcome her.
MCKAY
Would you come
with me?
CRIBBAGE
Of course I
would.
Let's do
it!
Seven
tomorrow.
Sharp.
MCKAY
I'll be over
early.
INT. MCKAY'S
APARTMENT --
NIGHT
McKay is at a
white grand
piano.
He is dressed
in
white.
He sings "I've
dreamed the
Past Away."
MCKAY
Still green
are your
memories of
when we were
young
And oh how I
long for those
days
in the sun
Sometimes it
seems I've
dreamed
all those
memories away.
So many have
gone as
sleeping I lay
Almost
as if I
dreamed them
away
The song ends
with a simple
major chord
that fades
away.
INT.
CRIBBAGE's
BEDROOM --
EARLY MORNING
Cribbage
awakes lying
on the bed
with his
cowboy outfit
still
on.
Pokey is
asleep at the
foot of the
bed.
Cribbage hears
"Sad Times Are
Coming" plays
in in his
head.
The mix is
amateurish and
the tempo is
slow and
uneven.
The organ is
scratchy and
Cribbage's
voice is out
of tune,
broken, and
raw.
Cribbage's
face seems
pained by the
sound of it.
CRIBBAGE
(V.O.)
Sad
Times Are
Coming
In
dreams I see
my own reality
Just to wake
up to a sad
old song
With the same
old name and
the same old
pain
Just yesterday
I picked up my
guitar
But I couldn't
sing a word
Of my own
refrain
And the only
thing I heard
Was someone
calling me by
name
Don't you see
sad times are
coming?
Cribbage
shakes his
head, gets up
leaving Pokey
asleep on the
bed, and walks
groggily to
the
kitchen.
He gets a can
of coffee from
the shelf and
opens the
top. He
looks up when
he hears the
voice of
Horace Golding
on the TV in
the living
room. He
puts down the
coffee and
listens.
GOLDING
(V.O.)
There are some
things more
important than
a football
game.
News from New
York
City.
James McKay
shot in the
back and dead
on arrival
at...
Cribbage's
face looks
bewildered and
then
panicked.
He rushes to
the living
room.
The screen is
nearly all
green with the
expanse of
Astroturf.
Football
players run
across the
field.
Cribbage
stares.
Several
seconds pass
by. Then the
words "TV'S
WORST
BLUNDERS"
appear on the
screen.
There is a
knock at the
door.
Pokey barks
once.
Rain pours
outside and
Cribbage can
see through
the blurry,
rain streaked
window a
hooded figure
at the
door.
The figure
puts a key in
the door,
opens it, and
sticks his
head in.
It is McKay.
MCKAY
Are you ready?
CRIBBAGE
Let me get my
hat.
FADE TO BLACK
THE END
OUTRO MUSIC
Lullaby with
the Stars or
Nevermore to
Be
Instrumental
...or Only in
Dreams
...or Trail
West
...or Wine on
the Desert
BOOKS
The Article
Book, Simon
&
Schuster/Prentice
Hall/Regents,
1996,
Englewood
Cliffs, NJ
07632.
The Article
Book Revised
Edition,
University of
Michigan
Press, 2000,
Ann Arbor, MI
48104.
The Article
Book Tankobon
Hardcover
Japanese
Edition,
University of
Michigan
Press, 2006,
Ann Arbor, MI
48104.
The
Preposition
Book,
University of
Michigan
Press, 2006,
Ann Arbor, MI
48104.
Grammar/Writing
Connections,
University of
Michigan
Press, 2009,
Ann Arbor, MI
48104.
The Sands of
Pima Arroyo,
CreateSpace,
2011.
The
Intersection,
Seventeen
Years of Bird
Processing on
One Street
Corner of the
World,
CreateSpace,
2011.
Las
misteriosas
noches de
antaño/The
Mysterious
Nights of
yesterday,
CreateSpace,
2012.
Recuerdo de
Amnesia/Memory
of Amnesia,
CreateSpace,
2014.
Dung, a Light
Roasting of
Frank
Herbert's
Dune,
CreateSpace,
2014.
Logbook from
the Sea of
Cortez,
CreateSpace,
2015.
Parece que
fuera ayer/It
Seems Like
Only
Yesterday,
CreateSpace,
2017.
The Grass on
the Hill Grows
Green/El pasto
en la colina
crece verde,
CreateSpace,
2017.
Planet
Busters,
CreateSpace,
2018.
Over a City
Bridge/Sobre
un puente de
la ciudad,
CreateSpace,
2018.
Gone are the
Days/Se han
ido los días,
Amazon Direct
2019
Escrituras y
locuras/Writings
and Rantings,
Amazon Direct
2020
The Javelina
Man/El hombre
pécari, Amazon
Direct 2020
Todavía verdes
están mis
recuerdos/Still
Green Are My
Memories,
Amazon Direct
2021
The Red Hot
Rooster/El
gallo al rojo
vivo, Amazon
Direct 2021
Solo en sueños
de noche/Only
in Dreams at
Night, Amazon
Direct 2023
The Reluctant
Cowboy, a
Musical for
Stage and
Screen, Amazon
Direct 2023
MUSIC
Sixteen First
Takes, 2007,
The Cryin'
Onions
Singing with
the Birds,
2014, The
Cryin' Onions
Thank You,
Friends!,
2015, The
Cryin' Onions.
Leitmotif,
2018,
CreateSpace,
The Cryin'
Onions
SOFTWARE
Play Ball! for
the Structure
and Written
Expression
Part of the
TOEFL, 1994,
Gessler
Publishing
Co., Inc. 55
West 13th
Street, New
York, New York
10011-7958.
Fish Trek, an
Adventure in
Articles for
Macintosh,
Prentice
Hall/Regents,
1996,
Englewood
Cliffs, NJ
07632.
Fish Trek, an
Adventure in
Articles for
Macintosh,
University of
Michigan
Press, 2000,
Ann Arbor, MI
48104.
Fish Trek, an
Adventure in
Articles for
Windows,
University of
Michigan
Press, 2000,
Ann Arbor, MI
48104.
Fish Trek 2.0,
an Adventure
in Articles
for Windows
and Macintosh,
2003
University of
Michigan
Press, Ann
Arbor, MI
48104.
The
Preposition
Book Software,
Preposition
Pinball, Carp
Derby, Diamond
Mine, Catwalk
2006,
University of
Michigan
Press, 2006,
Ann Arbor, MI
48104.
Rookie League
Baseball,
2006,
University of
Michigan
Press, 2006,
Ann Arbor, MI
48104
