WASHINGTON
(The Borowitz
Report)—Across the
United States on
Wednesday, a heated
national debate began on
the extremely complex
issue of children firing
military weapons.
"Every now and
then, the nation debates
an issue that is so
complicated and tricky
it defies easy answers,"
says pollster Davis
Logsdon. "Letting small
children fire automatic
weapons is such an
issue."
Logsdon says
that the thorny
controversy is
reminiscent of another
ongoing national debate,
about whether it is a
good idea to load a car
with dynamite and drive
it into a tree.
"Many
Americans think it's a
terrible idea, but
others believe that with
the correct supervision,
it's perfectly fine," he
says. "Who's to say
who's right?"
Similar, he
says, is the national
debate about using a
flamethrower indoors.
"There has been a long
and contentious national
conversation about
this," he says. "It's
another tough one."
Much like the
long-running national
debates about jumping
off a roof, licking
electrical sockets, and
gargling with
thumbtacks, the vexing
question of whether
children should fire
military weapons does
not appear headed for a
swift resolution.
"Like the
issue of whether you
should sneak up behind a
bear and jab it with a
hot poker, this won't be
settled any time soon,"
he says.
