POEMS LIGHT VERSE

Roasting Shelly on the Beach.jpeg


Rasmussen's poem for Dad.jpg
If you write in perfect rhyme, you'll likely have a worthless time...




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Palindromes
13 Ways of Looking at Food or Looking at a blackbird
¡ ¿ ü ó é ú á

Dad helped me with my old  BIRCHERS POEM
He wrote:
"Often you must have seen them loaded with booze
On a post-election morn"

To the tune of Sugar Foot:
MicroSoft, MicroSoft
I'd rather eat a plate of rotten applesauce...

The season is the displeasin' reason for the freezin, the wheezin, and the sneezin'.
I was going to add teasin' and expertisin' but I couldn't get them to fly.


GUNGA DIN

Rain and Housefinch T-shirt Poem
Tom's Thirteen Ways of Looking at Food
Steve's "Spark Gap City"
The Rock Room Kate Mooney and Mom
Sally's Mother's Day Poem
Sally's Poem about Her House in New Orleans
Poem Sally Wrote about Mom and Me
ASÍ PIENSAN LOS NIÑOS.jpg
John Lennon's Budgie Poem.jpg
Jimmy Stewart's Sad Dog Poem Beau
Sea Fever (I must go down to the seas again...)
Invictus (I am the master of my fate, the captain of my soul...)
Poem from the Smothers Brothers Show "THE BOX"
House Dog's Grave by Robinson Jeffers
Kate's Snarlpant
Poem Sally Wrote about Mom and Me.html



"The Western Beer"
Oh western beer
Where hast thou gone?
Your passing brings a tear
Christ that I'd bought another can
From the Circle K cashie
r


O Western Wind when wilt thou blow
The small rain down can rain
Christ! my love were in my arms
and I in my bed again.


You know they discontinued Sani Flush because it was destroying the planet or something. Still it lives on in literature:
Brush your teeth with Sani Flush
You don't even need a brush
All you do is wipe it on.
One, two, three, your teeth are gone.
Chocolate!



"I regret that I must skedaddle," rattled the cattle egret.
Said the great egret, "With great regret I gotta get."


When I was a kid I was at the fairgrounds and was at the John Birch Society booth bugging the birchers. I decided to rewrite Robert Frost's poem Birches...

When I see birchers bend from left to right
I like to think some boy's been bugging them
But bugging doesn't bring them down to stay as elections do...

My dad jumped in and shouted:
Often you must have seen them loaded with booze
On a post election morn!

I can't remember all I wrote but the ending was:
One could do worse than be a bugger of birchers.


pidgie poem.jpg

Pidgie Phobes Poem.jpg

PIDGIE PHOBES
I hate the creepy pidgie phobes pidgie phobes
They ruin all the fun
I want to go and buy some grain
And give the pidgies some
But phobic creeps cry eek! they do
And then they start to run
Scared to death of pigeon doo
Of poop, the rotten scum

A man who is a pidgie phobe
Will jump up on a table
When ere he sees a mouse or pidge
And lift his skirt unable
To withstand the fear of poop
Both real and only fable

I love the little pidgies
Each one's my little pal
I feed them on the Indian Rez
I hope I always shall
And thus ere long I shall be gone
And though it is a pain
I must go to the store
Wherefore to buy more pidgie grain
For food enough there has to be
For each and every pigeon
It’s up to me to guarantee
Much more than just a smidgen

 
Starling Gnarling.jpg
… and wolves are gnarling who shall gnaw thee first.
— William Shakespeare

I was of three minds
Like a tree in which there are three house finches

It was evening all afternoon
It was raining and it was going to rain
The house finches sat in the mesquite limbs


  



Ocotillos


starlings in an ocotillo.jpg

Maligned is the lowly starling
A bird accused of gnarling
But absolved of even snarling


Mistaking a bench for a coyote.jpg

"I regret that I must skedaddle," rattled the cattle egret.
Said the great egret, "With great regret I just gotta get."


BIRD POEMS AND SOME OTHER SILLY POEMS



Swan Poem.jpg
el fin de la tortura espero
todo el mes de enero
son cortos los dias
las noches son frias
luego viene febrero.
I am not the author of this Spanish poem.

"Your poem strikes me as minor the way most humorous poems are." Judson McGehee referring to a poem I wrote.
https://flagartscouncil.org/2016/01/judson-mcgehee-clear-creek/


Judson McGeehee.jpg

poetry:

Tom Cole on November 23, 2012 at 8:38 pm said:
I fondly remember all of the classes I took with you. I'm sure you don't remember me, but I remember you. I still have the many poems and stories I wrote for your classes and look back upon those days with happiness. I remember once John Dalmas, who wrote the Yngling and now a zillion other novels, came into your office. I am friends with him on Facebook. He left his newest book for you to look at. He was somewhat reluctant because in those days xerox machines were new and copies expensive. I assume he had nothing but the original typewriter version. Many thanks to you for all the college memories.

Tom Cole

Love to eat them mousies.jpg
Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stay these
couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.

Tlacuache Poem.jpg
OCTOBER 26, 2023

Pasé un escaparate
Y sentado allí en zacate
Tomando cerveza Tecate
Había un bello tlacuache


Plaid Slippers and Poem.jpeg
All things plaid page
Shoes and Such.html


Let us pause to reflect upon the junk drawer and its magical, mystical origins.
 One does not choose which of one's drawers becomes the inscrutable
junk drawer. The drawer itself does the choosing. One has no control over
 its emergence in and conquest of one's domicile. No man or army of men
possesses or will ever possess the power to alter the course of its inexorable
destiny as the drawer that wields household dominion over all others. Steeped
in mystery, the junk drawer, like Mexico, is an enigma inside a riddle--wrapped in a tortilla!

TOM COLE OCTOBER 24, 2015


Junk Drawer.jpg
The Pig
A public domain poem that Hitchens liked to recite
It was the first of May
A lovely warm spring day
I was strolling down the street in drunken pride,
When my knees went all a-flutter,
And I landed in the gutter
And a pig came up and lay down by my side.
As I lay there in the gutter
Thinking thoughts I could not utter
A lady passing by did softly say
"You can tell a man who boozes
By the company he chooses"
And the pig got up and slowly walked away.


TOM COLE DECEMBER 5, 20219: When I was a child my sisters were singing a song. I tried to get them to sing it to me and they said I wouldn't understand it. They sang. I couldn't understand it. Now, I do. And it's great!

Great green gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts
Mutilated monkey meat
Itsy bitsy dirty birdie feet
Pale pink piles of putrefied opossum pus
And I forgot my spoon.


Dopey poem popularity by likes on Foolbook:
1. The Wigeon 14
2. If I could choose to be a bird 12
3. Green flies 11
4. The Omnipresent Starling 10
5. If I Had to Choose the Seagull that I Would Come to Be 10
6. Abert's Towhee 8
7. How the Grackle Got Its Name 7
8. The Solitary Sandpiper 6
9. The Tortoise 6
10. Killdeer 4
11. Bobolink 4


Boyer's Poem for Dad.jpg

Poem Boyer Read at Mom's Memorial Service.jpg



John Dalmas.png
Author of The Yngling

My great-great Grandfather, Thomas H. Palmer:
If at first you don't succeed shortened.png
Click here for Thomas H. Palmer

March 30, 2021



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My Little Coffee Scoop.jpg
Broken Glass Poem.jpg
IT HAPPENED AGAIN. GOT SIX OF THESE WITH WENDY ON MY 50TH
BIRTHDAY AND I ONLY HAVE THREE LEFT! 20 YEARS!


glass broken beer glass April 14, 2021.jpg
Today the sky shines none too bright
Nor is the sun so blue
Last night I broke my wuddle gwass
Boo hoo, boo hoo, boo hoo
The very deep did rot: O Christ!
That ever this should be
Will what became of gwassy gwass
Be what becomes of me?

Hoy el cielo no brilla más
Ni el sol amaneció
Quebré mi querido vaso
Y lloro lloro yo
Fue un vistazo horrible
Pero era lo que vi
¿Lo que le pasó a mi vaso
Me pasará a mí?


Today the sky shines none too bright
Nor is the sun so blue
Last night I broke my wuddle gwass
Boo hoo, boo hoo, boo hoo
The very deep did rot: O Christ!
That ever this should be
Will what became of gwassy gwass
Be what becomes of me?

Hoy el cielo no brilla más
Ni el sol amaneció
Quebré mi querido vaso
Y lloro lloro yo
Fue un vistazo horrible
Pero era lo que vi
¿Lo que le pasó a mi vaso
Me pasará a mí?


Mistaking a bench for a coyote.jpg

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Hat Rack Poem.jpg
Click the Picture to Read the Poem
HOME

TEST:  HERE'S é ü ¡ ¿
INDIANA SENATOR
Here''s to the American eagle
That noble old bird of prey
He nests in Indiana
And shits in IOWAY!

IOWAN SENATOR
Here's to the state of Iowa
Whose soil is so fertile and rich
We don't need the turd of your noble bird
You dirty son of a bitch!

I'M WORKING ON THIS ONE:
The season of treason may breeze in
seizin', not pleasin'
One sees in
How I squeeze in,
knees in
I'm Freezin'
for a reason

and this one
THE ONION SKIN
by Tom Cole

I sit and stare at the onion skin
Then it begins
To wear me thin
OR BETTER:
I'll sit and stare at an onion skin
Until it's begun to wear me thin

October 20, 2021

In folklore it's said that a guy owned a collie
That he sent to the store
To buy a tamale.

THE EARLY BEER
I think I'll have
an early beer
that surely, dear,
will bring me cheer

Tomaré una cerveza temprana
Que me gustará más que marijuana



THE LITTLE KITTY
by Steve Cole
I love the Little Kitty

I love the little kitty
I love the little cat
I love his little raincoat
I love his little hat

I hope that little kitty
Watches out for cars and trucks
The last time he was injured
It cost me fifty bucks

Oh, puddy at the fishbowl
Puddy on my knee
Puddy at the garbage can
Puddy up a tree

I love the little kitty
He is so very nice
When I brought him to the city
He had ticks and fleas and lice

Oh, puddy at the opera
Puddy at the scene
Puddy at the wheel
Of the Mississippi Queen

Kitty used to be so bold
We used to call him studs
But then we took him to the vet
To have them nip his buds

Oh, puddy on an island
Puddy on a reef
Puddy at a hospital
Extracting people's teeth

Last night there was a meeting
Of the bird society
The tiny little kitty
Sat upon my knee
Alas, ere long
I wished him gone
I told him then to scat
He came back in a jiffy
With a yellow-breasted chat

Oh, puddy with a bible
Puddy on crusade
Puddy with a shotgun
Puddy with a blade

See the little kitty
lying on the couch
he is so bright and witty
he's never been a slouch.

Oh puddy with a saxophone
playing in a band
puddy in the cat box
scratchin' in the sand.


After my Booster Shot

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diddle diddle the cat and the fiddle.jpg

I.
To my surprise
My hives
Have lost their lives!
The demise of my hives
Was like the dying of flies!
II.
Helter skelter my welts sought shelter
Leaving not even their pelts to swelter!
III.
To the nether regions
Went legions of lesions!
THE END


ROBERT FROST
Good-by and Keep Cold.jpg


NOVEMBER 1962
You ought to see me chop a tree
Because it always falls on me
Christmas season every year
I bump my head and scratch my ear
The living room's the place it's put
It falls again and hits my foot.
The rhythm drops out when I try to add something from the Beverly Hillbillies (the tadpole part) and then when I steal from a classmate who wrote--If you were in East Berlin, you'd jump into a storage bin. I would have been better doing all original work.

You can paint all your skies in shades of gray.
But if you do, you waste each day
Living for your dreams just to chase them away.


Christmas Essay Mrs. Wells.jpg



MONKEY ISLAND
by Steve Cole

I took the little pigeons
far from where they cooed
Now they live on Monkey Island
eatin' monkey food.

At first the pigeons were upset
they thought they had been screwed
But it wasn't long before they learned
to eat dat monkey food.

The monkeys there are so polite
they're never vile or crude
they treat the pigeons just like guests
what eat that monkey food.

The rhino bayed
The gibbon shreiked
The giraffes all stood and mooed
The pidgies heard this clearly
While they munched that monkey food

ARIZONA SUMMER POEM
"These are the days that try men's souls and dry mink stoles."


Poem about Meds
Oct 27, 2023

Let me say a word of what I endured
A simply dreadful occurrence
When I got out of bed
I was fed no med
'Cause I didn't have insurance

October 30, 2023
And now they've said
I've naught to dread
In reward for my endurance
I'll get my med before I'm dead*
For this I have assurance

*for little bread



Pigeon Poem Nov 25, 2023.jpg


Tom's Silly Bird Poems and More
Arizona Summer Poem
"These are the days that try men's souls and dry mink stoles."

The Anna's Hummingbird
Of birds
They say the Anna's is the most illustrious
When in fact she is also the most industrious

The Killdeer
A plover came over the field of clover
That stretched to the edge of the white cliffs of Dover
He wasn't a dog but his friends called him Rover
And he very much resented this!
--April 2015
Unfortunately there aren't any killdeers in England. WORSE in England they pronouce plover Pluhver.


If I Had to Choose the Seagull that I Would Come to Be
by Tom Cole
July 10, 2019


If I had to choose the seagull
That I would come to be
The one whose shoes and hat I'd wear
Is obvious to me

An aristocratic air
The seagull that I'd be
Would bear in regal glory
And he would say to thee,
"Systematic is my stance
"And fairness my decree
"I swear that I shall never brook
"A bit of quackery
"No works of Linus Pauling
"Nor schemes to grow new hair
"Replacing hair that's falling
"Nor chiropractic care!"

As his name so clearly shows
He knows what's good to eat
And that certain kinds of fish
Are known to be a treat

He never errs as fast he takes
His transatlantic bearing
His eyes alive, his ears alert
His nostrils bravely flaring!

I'm not adverse
To be so terse
And boldly take my daring
Far enough to say aloud,
"The answer is so glaring!"

The gull I'd be is plain to see
So I'm declaring null
All others save the one I'd be
The stately herring gull!

The gull I'd be is plain to see
As any staring skull
The one that I would choose to be
Would be the herring gull!
Far enough to say aloud,
"The answer is so glaring!"

The Solitary Sandpiper
Call it wary
The solitary sandpiper
As we are using sanitary handwipers
And six-foot partitioning
Not natural to the task as is a bird
at social distancing

APRIL 30, 2020

Solitary Sandpiper Sept 1 2017 Mysterious Puddle copy.jpg

Call me a fuddy duddy
 But buddy, you can study the cluck
of the bloody ruddy duck

Frankly my dear
I don't give a damn
muddy

If I Could Be a Bird

If I could choose to be a bird
I think I'd be a finch
I wouldn't be too muscular
Could never crank a winch
But other tasks both big and small
To me would be a cinch.
And finches are so colorful!

--October 14, 2015


If I could choose to be a bird I think I'd be a finch.jpg

The Abert's Towhee
April 11, 2019

The Abert's Towhee has a dark black mask
And its belly I'm told is doughy
These birds hark back to the ancient past
When the world was cold and snowy


Abert's Towhee Poem.jpg


Another Abert's Towhee Poem.jpg


Eftsoons this bird of lordly plumes
Is best portrayed as knightly

The Bobolink

The bobolink has a cheerful song
And he always sings it sprightly,
Though he has his days of dark malaise
When the sun shines none too brightly.

No melancholy coddly Molly
May one describe him rightly
This strapping fellow is black and yellow
And best portrayed as knightly

A code of honor holds he firm
Twich is to say most tightly
And in his talons crookt and cragged
He clutches, too, forthrightly
Thirteen arrows and a sword
And cries out most contritely

"What is Truth but a shining orb
"That burns both red and whitely?
"And a heart but a beating drum within
"That pounds in no way slightly?

"So, lest thy shoes so neatly spruced
"Be soiled and made unsightly
"O'er the patch of ground 'neath which I roost
Tread not ye even lightly!"

--Started October 14, 2015, Redone July 22, 2016


bobolink.jpg
The Inca Dove
Authored by Tom Cole
See the little Inca dove go 'cross the roller rink
Inky dinky,
Inky dinky,
Inky dinky,
Dink!




The Tortoise

The tortoise lives 'twixt mortised decks
A shielding that its life protects...
I think it clever of the tortoise
To avoid a case of rigor mortis


Tortoise and Dog with Poem.jpg
The Devil's Banjo (The Sandshark or Guitar Fish)

Has perfect pitch on the sea
But is temperamental and known to fret.
Picks its way through the seaweed.
Strums up and down the coast!


The Cactus Wren

The cactus wren is intrepid
You can get so close you could step on it!

I found this weird version in my bird database/bird processor

The cactus wren is intrepid
You can get so close you could step on it.
It's never uncouth.
Or long in the tooth.
It'll tell you the truth--you can bet on it.

The Puffin
A curious bird is the puffin
He ain't afraid of nothing
Not even of death
And with regard to his breath
You can often hear him huffin'

The Sparrow

The most ubiquitous bird is the sparrow
Its environs simply aren't narrow
This kingly old rover
Wears a crown in Hannover
And in Guaymas a great big sombrero!

(In addition, in Egypt the locals often refer to him as  “the pharaoh”)

--October 14, 2015

The Omnipresent Starling

Ubiquitous are starlings
They're spotted near and far
You'll find you've got these darlings
No matter where you are


The Omnipresent Starling Poem.jpg


7873 Madrid, Spain June 17, 2019.JPG

Here you'll find no Texaco
Or man who wears the star
But you'll find folks from Mexico
No matter where you are


The Verdin
November 25, 2018

The range map of the verdin
Shows where the bird's conspicuous
It lives down south and way out west
But it can't be called ubiquitous
You'll never see the bird up north
That would be ridiculous
(For, of course, it doesn't have such wide dominion.)
And a verdin heard in the middle of the night
Is likely not a verdin
Or even a bird in my opinion!


Range Map of the Verdin.jpg

The Wigeon

There's a duck that is known as the wigeon
That likes to argue religion
While he'll squabble with flocks
Of sparrows and hawks
He'll seldom have words with a pigeon

The wigeon and the pigeon,
This avian pair,
Have decidedly little of
Thoughts that compare,
And less than a lot
Are the things that they share
In the way of what's doctrine--or doctrinaire.

But with regard to faith in religion
Like the wigeon
The pigeon
Hasn't a smidgen

Wigeon Poem.jpg

How the Grackle Got His Name

He's not so named for his drywall skills nor his love of using spackle
(Whilst, of course, there is no job that he is loathe to tackle!)
Nor was he christened so because his flaming soul doth crackle
Or for the fact that lock or chain could never serve to shackle
One as he who has the stealth and slyness of a jackal
Yeah, hale and hearty this one treads 'midst gabbling clucks and quackle
Of dabbling ducks and quail upon whose heads is seen a hackle
Attending neither church nor mosque nor any tabernacle
He never flirts with Tarot cards or items zodiacal
No vicious blow, no savage punch, no overwhelming whack'll
Cause his sturdy wings to ache (Though at times, of course, his back'll!)
Not heretofore what you have heard wherefore was named the grackle
His handle was awarded for his tendency to cackle.

THE END

Green Flies

There's a certain kind of green fly
You know the ones I mean
The ones when doggie defecates
Come flyin' on the scene
They appear as if by magic
They appear as in a dream
With their emerald opalescence
And their iridescent sheen
When doggie doesn't defecate
These flies are never seen!
So where do green flies come from?
From some green fly machine?
From the carcass of a rotting steer
In some dried up ravine?
Where do green flies come from?
Do they hatch from a green fly bean?
Or when doggie poops does someone somewhere
Open up a screen?
And let the green flies fly about
To on her stool convene?
I'll never know the answer
But I judge from their cuisine
That the place the green flies call their home
Is a place that's none too clean!

The Dowitcher

My favorite bird is the dowitcher
It has a beak as big as a howitzer
And when it moves it it seems
Like a sewing machine
But it's just getting pieces of chow which're
Quite tasty thank you very much indeed!

Here's a video link to this lymerick:
https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=3501862045851&l=6670711087352250464


THE GECKO
BY TOM COLE
The stylized form of the gecko
Was popular in 20s art deco
But as far as I know
it has never appeared
in the works of the famous El Greco
I can't help but recall of the gecko
A fact that others may echo
That a gecko that lives in Tikal
Is a gecko Guatemalteco


Gekko.jpg

Would you pay my Bill? Eat a Daffodil?

For my nickel
I'd skip the daffodil
And have a half a dill pickle


Oliver Twist Daffodill Half a Dill Pickle.jpg


Assonance

If you write in perfect rhyme
You'll likely have a worthless time
Whatever you might want to say
You're not allowed--no how no way

To get a rhyme for honkytonk
All I could find was donkey honk
And that's not what you want
To lead your hit parade

Instead just use some assonance
Don't try to get an ass to dance
Do you think Johnny Cash perchance
Could play guitar
Or sing in a choir
Or compose to save his life
(Though everyone knows
He wrote “Ring of Fire”
When it was really his wife)

Let's agree then you and I
On assonance
Don't look at me with eye and lash askance
For what is perfect rhyme?
Extravagance
Balderdash
Now, I know ya'll will ask
That I be brash
And call the Man in Black
A hack and overrated
Well, I have studied
Facts that have been stated
Resolutely, astutely, anecdotally
And he was--acutely, absolutely, totally!
                    —DECEMBER 23, 2015
 
Sleeping

I sleep here every night like a rat
A rat, a rat, a rat, a rat
A rat, a rat, a rat, a rat
A rat, a rat, a rat!

I Don't Like My Truck
Written August 26, 2006

I don't like my truck.
It ain't for me
Trucks are for country music fans
Cowboys
And other dumb clucks
Climbing up a tree!

POEM
CORN SHARK, BRONZED BONITO, SLOW WATER SALMON

People like trout
But frankly I'd sooner
Have myself a stringer
Full of stock tank tuna


Loogy Lake

STARTED THIS IN 1987 AND NEVER FINISHED:
TOM COLE

Fed fat by the Elkhorn Trickle
And nurkled by Icky Creek
Nary a sound dares to percol
Or vie with its gurgling gleek

We all of us formed a circle
'Round Filkins, whose first name was Joe
And feigned our enrapturous interest
In what we cared diddle to know

His eyes they were piercing
They gripped like a vice
His chin had a curious cleft
He gave us a glare that was colder than ice
As fully a third of us left

"I got myself in a pickle," quothe he
A pickle that lasted a week
My vocals from cursing were tickled
I barely sufficed to speak!

"There's nothing wrong with your vocal chords now
Or even your pickle," we spake.
"So tell us the story or you're gonna be sorry:
Mick'll smack your fat head with this rake!


"Forsaken forlorn was I on that morn
A life there ain't worth a nickel
Never again would I dare to contend
With her rambling bramble and snickle"

"Whether you ramble or bramble or die
Not one of us cares but a whickle
We'll gamble to say you're a heck of a guy
But now you are being so fickle!

"Filkins am I, not fickle," he cried
"No gambling, ante, or bid!"
"Then out with the tale!" The ten of us wail.
"Well maybe I will!"
And he did.

In view of a roof
Not far from Duluth
Is a lake that is bordered by prickle
With a wicked tailrace
A communist place
In the shape of a hammer and sickle

I packed up my gear
Hitched up my boat
And carefully stowed my tackle
Paying no heed to the avarice, greed
Or the lugubrious eye of the grackle.

A Drummer in the Band
WORKING ON THIS ONE STILL...BORRADOR/DRAFT

Lemme tell a tale of hell's travail
That happened just this summer
I was in a four-piece combo
Three musicians and drummer
No source of joy was bongo boy
A bummer we couldn't stand
Friend, you don't need a case of hives
Or a drummer in the band

One day I started strumming
And heard to my surprise
The sound of someone drummin'
I had to close my eyes!
I didn't want to see 'im
I didn't want to hear 'im
And when we kicked him off the stage
The people started cheerin'

Your gig might be on land or sea
Or near the Rio Grande
But you don't need a fungus
Or a drummer in the band

If you're into chunkin'
Or if you're into pickin'
The only drumstick that you need
Is on a roasted chicken
'Cause if you have a lick of sense
You're surely gonna know
That when your band is cursed
You tell Pete Worst to go

I'll let you play that violin
or viola in your hand
But I'd rather have ebola
Than a drummer in the band

And when you've kicked that drummer out
The feeling is sublime
To once again be playing
In a band that's keeping time!


Limerick to a Knitwit, Philip J. Fracica
(Pulmonologist and absolute numbskull who wrote me
a perfectly nauseating brush-off letter in response to my
complaint of wholesale proselytizing at Mercy Gilbert Hospital,
"Where Jesus Freaks Hover over the Operating Tables like Bats!")

A loathsome man named Fracica
Was known from Maine to Topeka
As an oblivious pulmonologist 
A litigious ideologist
And a prodigious religious apologist!

Now I Want My Money! (song lyrics possibly)

Here in Arizona we got blazin' heat
All the days are hot and sunny
I cut your grass and burned my ass
And now I want my money!

Working in the freezer all day long
My nose got cold and runny
Like Niagra Falls as I froze my balls
And now I want my money!

I worked with the public all day long
Polite as a little bunny
I've had enough of all their guff
And now I want my money!

I worked all day and got no pay
Maybe you think that's funny
Go ahead and laugh
And kiss my ass
And give me my goddamned money!

Vinegar is nasty stuff they say
You'll catch more flies with honey
Don't want no flies
And nunna yor lies
I want my goddamned money!

Santa's Done Grown Mean

Those reindeer get complainin' Santa stops them in their tracks
As he lays that holly-studded WHIP across their backs

Walking down Apache Boulevard

I woke up last Sunday 
And the sky was gone
No explanation
But maybe
It was because of 
What had gone on 
Beneath it 
and gone wrong

Whatever the reason
It sure was eerie
Walking down Apache Boulevard
With the sky gone

I woke up last Monday
And my heart was gone
No explanation
Nothing to explain why my heart was gone
But knowing I had once been heartless
Perhaps an ironic fate was saying,
"Oh, yeah? Try this on.”

Whatever the reason
It sure was eerie
Walking down Apache Boulevard
With my heart gone

I woke up last Tuesday 
And my legs were gone
No explanation
But perhaps they were taken
On account of all 
The people and principles
I've inadvertently trod upon

Whatever the reason
It sure was eerie
Walking down Apache Boulevard
With my legs gone

Now, you may say
It's impossible all I've said
As one can't really walk
Without a heart (You'd be dead!)
And even if you weren't
The question begs
You'd be hard pressed
Without any legs!
But get this:

I woke up last Wednesday
And the world was gone
Again, no explanation 
Just Long Gone John!

Sure was eerie 
Walking down Apache Boulevard
With the world gone

Later that afternoon, it rained
And when it stopped, there were puddles
All up and down the long boulevard
They sparkled in the glorious summer sunshine
And glistened as do waves of heat on a desert highway
And since the world was gone
It seemed as if you could see forever


Apostrophe "Poem" (See Apostrophe Alley.)

If you misuse an apostrophe
It's as if you were listed as lost at sea
Or scheduled to have a colostomy
And committed to godless  apostasy
 
NO HAY MAL QUE POR BIEN
NO VENGA,

WELL, HERE'S ONE IN PROGRESS. WE'LL SEE:

Hippopotamuses in Africa 1972.jpg

THE HIPPOPOTAMUS

In Africa I chanced upon
A watery little holler
Unaware a hippopotamus
Had wandered there to waller

No one had to warn me
For it doesn't take a scholar
To know a hippopotamus
Is naturally a mauler

Now, I've seen bigger hippos
Notwithstanding, I was smaller
So (to be sure!) I took my leave
And left the holler's squalor

I had no fear at all
As I was walking thus
But then I felt a sudden knot
In my esophagus

I had to yank most firmly
Upon my sweaty collar
To make some room around the knot
Ere it I'd ever swaller

And when I had, I felt so glad
For naught was there amiss
Until I stared distraught upon
A hippopotamus!

I couldn't move
I couldn't breathe
My heart it ceased to beat
I hadn't even heard the sound
Of tiny hippo feet!

Perhaps the knot within my throat
Had been a premonition
For there he was observing me
And looking for contrition!

Well, that I vowed he'd never have
'Less 'twas o'er my dead body!
"Acquiesce?" I yelled out loud
"You'll treat me not so shoddy!"

I grabbed him by his little ears
And banged his chin upon
My knee so hot and knobby
(It only made him yawn.)

'Tis said the tree of liberty
One's blood alone refreshes
And the people of Los Angeles
As well as Bangladesh's
Know what if you don't know now
I'll give you just three guesses
To speak concisely, I was in
The diciest of messes!

For nincompoop and nitwit
Are words I quip synonymous            
When someone's dumb enough to try
And whip a hippopotamus

O Christ! the very deep did rot
And I was up a tree
I'd hit a hippopotamus
With nothing but my knee!

I feared that he would start to stomp
And squash me like a roach
Instead he fawned and softly spoke
And viewed me with reproach

"Here there is no Texaco
"Or man who wears the star
"But you'll find folks from Mexico
"No matter where you are."

Then he introduced a friend
Whose name began with J
"No hay mal que por bien
No venga," said José

I agreed with him that every cloud
Contained a silver lining
And then I felt it time to leave
Before they started whining

For two is company they say
And three's a crowd confining
And thus I chose to walk away
Whilst still the sun was shining

In Africa, to sum it up,
I chanced upon a hollow
Then found a hippopotamus
Had chosen me to follow

I kneed that squat abdominous
He didn't seem to mind
Indeed, his heart was bottomless
He was so very kind

He introduced me to a guy
From Mexico, José
Who spoke some words in Spanish
Before I went away

And then I told them, "toodle-oo!
"I've got to say good-bye!
"But I've been taught a different view
Of hippopotami!"
THE END

POESÍA DE REFRANES

Sé muchos refranes en esta lengua
Como nunca hay mal
Que por bien no venga

Aunque la mona se vista de seda
Mona se queda se dice
Si te metes en lo que
No te importa
Te van a llamar "metiche."

Debes echar un vistazo/

Debes estar atento/Esté un poco atento

Antes de que te cases
Pero si miras ciertos dientes de potro Pero si miras dientes de potro
¡No sabes lo que haces!/Sabes lo que haces

Si eres un perro
Que ladra
No muerdes
¡A buenas horas, mangas verdes!

A lo hecho pecho
Trato hecho
Lo pasado pasado está
Más vale tarde que nunca
Lo que deba ser será

MY SHINGLES SHOT

I got myself a shingles shot
Which really's not single shot.

When people said I ought to fret,
A single shot I sought to get,
And now one more I've GOT to get!

Like playing slots or a roulette
The shots must intermingle
To cause the flesh above your sleeve
to itch and twitch and tingle

You know, it didn't cost a cent
I swear I didn't pay,
And that's because of Medicare
A gift from LBJ.

It's in no way a Christmas gift
Delivered by Kris Kringle
Whose reindeer bring it on a sleigh
Adorned with bells that dingle.

And now I've got my Shingles shot
Another's on the way
My brother's had his second one
And so he doesn't say,

"I ought to get a shingles shot
"A single shot I ought to get,
"And then one more I've GOT to get!"


Oh, his are happy days!
 Because he's got his second shot
And that's one more than I have got
A single little shingles shot
Just one of two entrees!

THE END







Here nothing stirs
And the cottonwood grove
Never makes a sound
Till the west wind blows.

Aquí nada se agita
Y el bosque de álamos
Nunca hace un sonido
Hasta que el viento del oeste sopla

Emily Arnold
There is no frigate like a boat
Nor any cursors on the page
Of a prancing pony
They hear, they jeer
But never fear, Dear
As near beer* will steer me clear
Retreating, to the breath
Of the night-wind, down the vast edges drear
And naked shingles of the world.
Apologies to Ms. Dickinson but not to
Mr. Arnold as I have stolen his work word for word.

Sally Cole What a plagiarist!



*

claushaler non-alcoholic beer .jpg

Sally Cole What a plagiarist! Tom Hascall Cole That is not plagiarism.
It is a common poetic tradition to write three lines of your own stuff and then pay tribute to a different author.
It is nothing more than literary allusion--Allusion NOT ILLusion!
For example, my poem "I Fret" begins with three
lines from my own hand and
an ensuing tribute to Matthew Arnold in the form of a similar, echoing counterpoint which appears
as a three-line literary allusion from one of his poems. It remains an entirely ORIGINAL work!


"I Fret"
by Tom Cole

I'm not gone yet
And yet
I fret
And I am here as on a darkling plain
Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight,
Where ignorant armies clash by night.

Sometimes my new genre allows for the citation of two rather than three lines
from a fellow author as seen in my
totally original poem. "The Long Gone Beer"

"The Long Gone Beer"
by Tom Cole

I drank a beer
I sang a song
And now the doggone beer is gone!
This thou perceivest, which makes thy love more strong;
To love that well which thou must leave ere long


Must be that time of year.
 Oh, for THAT ONE we have to go back to the three-line echoing counterpoint as done before.

"I Want My Money!"
by Tom Cole

Working in the freezer all day long
My nose got cold and runny
I took your sass
And froze my ass
And now I want my money!
That time of year thou mayst in me behold
When yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang
Upon those boughs which shake against the cold,

THE END




White-Winged Dove VS Eurasian Collared Dove.jpg

The Surly Eurasian Collared Dove
(With a tribute to Emily Dickinson)
by Tom Cole

If only it were or was
That the surly Eurasian collared dove
Hollered with love
Demurely
As the smaller white-winged cousin of his does

The white-wing seems to proffer too
I mean to say that
He looks so true
And when he sweetly calls
"Who cooks for you?"
He seems indeed to offer to

The Eurasian collared dove
Quite the contrary
Makes you cautious and somewhat wary
Because his simple call is scary

He clearly says
"Who cooks you?"
As if prepared to book you
A tray to lie in
Inside some roaster
Or make you into a stew
Or someday get to fryin' you in a toaster

Many of Nature's birds I know
And of those I do
Most all I find appealing

And I hold too
That they know me
And mutual is my feeling
For those of them who nest
On land
In trees
And here out west
Up in tall cactuses

Yet the only one
Of the above
Pleased to be possessed

Of
such small practices
(And all with but the slightest of persuasion!)
Ever is
And surely ever was
The surly Eurasian collared dove
!


DICKINSON'S ENDING:
Several of Nature's People
I know, and they know me
I feel for them a transport
Of Cordiality

But never met this Fellow
Attended or alone
Without a tighter Breathing
And Zero at the Bone.




I found an excerpt from my parody of Dune that upon re-reading was still a worthy effort though perhaps a little to over-the-top to be included in the book.

         In it, all language is just like Herbert's. I shall post the original below my spoof for comparative study.


Who has not heard and been moved ( and deeply so) by "The Tin Ear Hymn?"


The Tin Ear Hymn
by Tom Cole


I drove my geese through a desert
Whose goslings whinnied like drunken horses
Voracious for voracity and greedy for greed.
I traipsed the inanity of Fosterian verse
And saw erosion level both hillocks, dells, and my intellect
In its quest, its ravenousness to brunch on my entrails
And I saw the canaries furiously flapping hither
Big, bold canaries like charging hippopotamuses
That spread unctuousness 
Upon the briar patch of my budding literacy
I felt the hippos lightly roosting
On my young green shoots
And their tiny, scratchy feet tickling my thighs!

IF ONE THINKS I'M UNFAIR, HERE'S THE ORIGINAL FROM THE BOOK:

Who has not heard and been deeply moved* by “The Old Man's Hymn”?

*MOVED TO WHAT? HURL? —TC


The Old Man's Hymn

by Frank Herbert

I drove my feet through a desert
Whose mirage fluttered like a host.
Voracious for glory, greedy for danger,
I roamed the horizons of al-Kulab, Watching time level mountains
In its search and its hunger for me.
And I saw the sparrows swiftly approach,
Bolder than the onrushing wolf.
They spread in the tree of my youth.
I heard the flock in my branches.
And was caught on their beaks and claws!
—from “Arrakis Awakening” by the Princess Irulan



The following Snipe "poem" is illustrated HERE.
I was composing an email in Microsoft Outlook and it wasn't working so I got miffed and started
making paragraph returns to get it to work. Then I sent the email.
My friend Nancy read it and e-mailed me back. Could she send her friend my
wonderful "poem?"  I responded, "Sure."

Here's the so-called poem:

Nancy,

You will be happy to know that driving home yesterday
I espied a Long-billed Dowitcher on the side of the road
Close to rush hour traffic.
I applied the brakes,
Immediately reassessing and realizing
That it was a snipe!
I swung around
And picked up Mr. Inland Sandpiper.
He was very pretty --
Very very pretty was he indeed!
With a chocolate back,
A rosewood beak, (a teak beak)
And a tail like a Texas Prairie Chicken.
Oh, he was a fine, fine -- and beauteous creature,
Quiet and reserved,
And headed for the last round-up too I should think.
I left him in some weeds
And drove away.
 

I never told her it wasn't really a poem.
The Snipe "poem" is illustrated HERE.

The very deep did rot: O Christ!

That ever this should be! How piteous

Yea, slimy things did crawl with legs

Upon the slimy sea.

H. amphibius

-ship, bip, blip, chip, clip, crip, cslip, dip, drip, flip, gipp, grip, gripp, grippe, gyp, hip, hipp, hippe, ip, kip, kipp, klipp, knipp, lip, lipp, lippe, nip, nipp, pip, pipp, q-ship, quip, quipp, q ship, q tip, rip, ripp, rippe, schip, scrip, scripp, ship, shipp, sip, sipp, skip, skipp, slip, slipp, snip, stipp, strip, thrip, tip, tipp, trip, tripp, trippe, whipp, yip, zip, zipp

I'll give you just three guesses
"Tippy Canoe and Tyler too"
I've yet begun to fight

I have not yet begun to fight

Tippy Canoe and Tyler too
I've yet begun to fight

BODY SHOP

At Starbuck's coffee shop
He bought a lollipop
And then he groaned
When he received a fast karate chop

At Starbuck's coffee shop
He bought a lollipop
And then he groaned
When I gave him a karate chop

Where's my wallet
Did he swallow it?

Petals on a wet black dog.jpg

The apparition of these faces in the crowd
Petals on a wet, black bough
—Ezra Pound

Me in Ireland
May 2012

That is no country for old men. The young
In one another's arms, birds in the trees,
—Those dying generations—at their song,
The salmon-falls, the mackerel-crowded seas,
Fish, flesh, or fowl, commend all summer long
Whatever is begotten, born, and dies.
Caught in that sensual music all neglect
Monuments of unaging intellect.

CLICK HERE FOR TOM'S POEMS:
Tom's Silly Bird Poems and More

Funeral of Shelley Roasting.jpg   
 
Caminante, son tus huellas
el camino y nada más;
Caminante, no hay camino,
se hace camino al andar.
Al andar se hace el camino,
y al volver la vista atrás
se ve la senda que nunca
se ha de volver a pisar.
Caminante no hay camino
sino estelas en la mar.Caminante, son tus huellas
el camino y nada más;
Caminante, no hay camino,
se hace camino al andar.
Al andar se hace el camino,
y al volver la vista atrás
se ve la senda que nunca
se ha de volver a pisar.
Caminante no hay camino
sino estelas en la mar.


ñ  ó  í  m-dash: — ¿ ¡



This One
By Jean Cole

The beach was wet. Fog sank to ground level
heavy, like fine rain;
you could feel it on your hand.
Squeezed down in the bed roll
dampness seeped in
from the drenched canvas top.
Charcoal still glowed faintly in the sand,
quiet hung balanced against tide echoes.
On the dunes the truck faded slowly in mist
like edges of burned cholla skeletons.

They appeared abruptly—the coyotes,
warm against the damp.
Moving silently, shadowy forms slid in swift
restless sweeps, searching beach, land.

One paused at the dune edge;
fine droplets clung to thick fur.
Ears back, head lifted toward the sea
this one
sounded blood-colored notes
animal-hot against the night.

                                                                        --published in West Coast Poetry Review 1972




Steve
STEVE:
The sea is a light turquoise blue near the shore with patches of yellow sand in the shallows where small waves are breaking. Farther out, the water is darker where porpoises dip in and out of the sea like rocking horses. A pair of oyster catchers with beaks as red as Crayolas stroll along where the foam makes a curving line which changes shape, expands and recedes over the rubble of shell and seaweed. A light breeze caresses my face. Everything is perfect. Except for these Goddamn flies. They're awful!



The sea is calm tonight.
The tide is full, the moon lies fair
Upon the straits; on the Mexican coast
But now I only hear
The night-wind, down the vast edges drear
And naked tortillas of the world.

The Dover Bitch: A Criticism Of Life
By Anthony Hecht

So there stood Matthew Arnold and this girl
With the cliffs of England crumbling away behind them,
And he said to her, 'Try to be true to me,
And I'll do the same for you, for things are bad
All over, etc., etc.'
Well now, I knew this girl. It's true she had read
Sophocles in a fairly good translation
And caught that bitter allusion to the sea,
But all the time he was talking she had in mind
the notion of what his whiskers would feel like
On the back of her neck. She told me later on
That after a while she got to looking out
At the lights across the channel, and really felt sad,
Thinking of all the wine and enormous beds
And blandishments in French and the perfumes.
And then she got really angry. To have been brought
All the way down from London, and then be addressed
As sort of a mournful cosmic last resort
Is really tough on a girl, and she was pretty.
Anyway, she watched him pace the room
and finger his watch-chain and seem to sweat a bit,
And then she said one or two unprintable things.
But you mustn't judge her by that. What I mean to say is,
She's really all right. I still see her once in a while
And she always treats me right. We have a drink
And I give her a good time, and perhaps it's a year
Before I see her again, but there she is,
Running to fat, but dependable as they come,
And sometimes I bring her a bottle of Nuit d'Amour.


Many Many years ago in about 1961? my grandmother gave my mom a book by this person from Vermont. I remembered some of the poems and now I'll try to write them down from memory.


CHICAGO
BY CARL SANDBERG AND TOM COLE
Many people will be surprised to learn that they have only read the abridged version of Sandburg's poem about fog. As a service to those who might be interested, I am posting the unabridged version:
Here's the complete poem:
The fog comes
on little cat feet.
It sits looking
over harbor and city
on silent haunches
and then moves on
to Chicago
Hissing
Mouse Butcher for the World,
Fish slasher, Scratcher of furniture,
Player with litter and destroyer of the Nation's rats and mice
Scratching, hissing, clawing,
Clawing! as a Tomcat claws!
Yowling the husky, brawling meow of cats
Proud to be Mouse Butcher for the World,
Fish slayer, Scratcher of furniture,
Player with Litter and destroyer of the Nation's rats and mice



I have seen the catnip luring the farm tabbies.


And you will tell me I am mad and I answer: yes, it is true I have seen the dachshund kill and go free to kill again.
And you tell me I am brutal and my reply is: On the faces of cats and kittens I have seen the marks of wanton hunger.
Asi piensan los hijos.jpg


HAIKU
February 14, 2023

Five syllables first
After that you have seven
Then five once again






My Housekeeping Sins
Jean C. Killary

I
The washer is broke
The dishes are cloaked
With dirt up to their chins
The pudding is nubby
The floors are all cruddy
These are my housekeeping sins
Poems I can write
In dead of night
I'm filled with imagination
My friends call me poet
They say that they know it
But my house is in a state of stagnation
From cellar to attic
It all looks quite frantic
But I've published a book of verse slim
The house is a mess
I'm a poet I guess
So forgive me my housekeeping sins!

II
Yesterday I watched the kids
In my front yard at play
You'd think they'd stay at home
But that's not the children's way
The grass is often greener
Across a neighbor's fence
And though they're only children
They make a grown-up sense
Sometimes I find my own self
Wishing to change my lot
And the grass is often greener
In my next door neighbor's plot!

III
I swear to all the stars above
I always will believe in love
If I can cling to nothing else
I'll always cling to love that melts
The barriers that stubborn stand
Between ourselves and foreign lands
If we could learn to love one another
And call every man our brother
All racial clash and wars would cease
And we would find eternal peace

IV
He was a simple builder
Of cottages and barns
He nailed and hammered boards
On the outbuildings of farms
He thought his work was menial
That the returns were small
But into whatever thing he did
He gave his all and all
To me his trade's not humble
It was our Master's craft
And though people looked down upon him
And people even laughed
Yet he was the xxxx one (Chosen one, Sacred one? Perfect one?)
To whom nothing was too small
So our common work suffices
If we give our all and all.

THIS ONE JUST CAME TO ME BUT I CAN'T REMEMBER IT ALL. OKAY, IT WAS 1961 AND I WAS NINE OR TEN.

V
I love the little things
A small ceramic mouse
A pair of baby shoes
A little girl's doll house...

(Here there might be a China plate)
.......

So give me all the little things
The small and not the great

VI
There also was one about Echo I--I think. She put in parentheses (the satellite)

Richard Corey
by Edwin Arlington Robinson 1897

Whenever Richard Cory went down town,
We people on the pavement looked at him:
He was a gentleman from sole to crown,
Clean favored, and imperially slim.

And he was always quietly arrayed,
And he was always human when he talked;
But still he fluttered pulses when he said,
"Good-morning," and he glittered when he walked.

And he was rich—yes, richer than a king,
And admirably schooled in every grace:
In fine, we thought that he was everything
To make us wish that we were in his place.

So on we worked, and waited for the light,
And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,
Went home and put a bullet through his head.


I just ran across this poem. It tells the true nature of granite countertops. I believe it needs WORK. 
I, Tom Cole, am the author of this work of poetic majesty.
Read it. It goes humpty dumpty dump!

MY CRUSTY GRANITE COUNTERTOPS
By Tom Cole

Hear the story of my countertops
My countertops of granite,
A rock not quarried on the moon
Or on some other planet.
I used to have a better kind
Now I've got these goddamn it!
They came along with my new house
I didn't have to plan it.
And surely were I near a door
I know that I would slam it.
The countertops I used to have
Were not made out of granite
Nor crusty like ones I've got
I just can't unnerstan it!
Now all I've got's a little poem
That rhymes with pomegranate
A sticky, crusty kind of fruit
Perhaps that's what began it!
I hate my bloody countertops
My countertops of granite
And if they only had a hide,
I know that I would tan it!
A countertop that isn't stone,
That isn't made of granite
Surpasses any granite top
For it is better than it
So if I found a factory
Of countertops of granite
I'd quickly burn it to the ground
And hang the man who ran it

THE END


I heard a Fly buzz – when I died –
The Stillness in the Room
Was like the Stillness in the Air –
Between the Heaves of Storm –
The Eyes around – had wrung them dry –
And Breaths were gathering firm
For that last Onset – when the King
Be witnessed – in the Room –
I willed my Keepsakes – Signed away
What portion of me be
Assignable – and then it was
There interposed a Fly –
With Blue – uncertain – stumbling Buzz –
Between the light – and me –
And then the Windows failed – and then
I could not see to see –
EMILY DICKINSON


THE END


Someone I columbia asked me to read this poem. I read it aloud as fast as I could because it is possibly the worst "Poem" yet written, my friends. Your inner hurl detector will go off. Plus it's ungrammatical. Literary license my eye! At least very other hubiera should be an habría! So there!

Si hubiera sabido que esa era la última vez que iba a verte, te hubiera dado un beso, un abrazo y te hubiera llamado para darte muchos mas,

Si hubiera sabido que esa era la ultima vez que iba a oir tu voz, hubiese grabado cada una de tus palabras para poder oirlas una y otra vez indefinidamente,

Si hubiera sabido que esa era la ultima vez que te veria....Te hubiera dicho que te amo mas que a mi propia vida, y no hubiera asumido tontamente que ya lo sabias,

Si hubiera sabido que esa era la ultima vez que te miraria a los ojos, hubiera acariciado tu mirada con mi alma,

Si hubiera sabido que todo se terminaria ese dia, hubiera hecho todo por detenerte, porque escucharas y te hubiera dicho, no me dejes....Que los amores como el nuestro ya no existen, que las voces ajenas son solo ecos de envidia mal direccionada, que nosotros dos eramos todo, no necesitabamos mas, lo nuestro fue y sera siempre lo mejor que nos pudo pasar...

Si hubiera sabido que ya nunca volveria a verte, te hubiera atado a mi corazon,

Si hubiera sabido que ese era el final, hubiera roto la pagina y hubiera escrito un nuevo comienzo para los dos….

Thomas Hardy "The Man He Killed"
Thomas Hardy "The Reminder"


The Reminder
by Thomas Hardy

The Man He Killed
"Had he and I but met
By some old ancient inn,
We should have sat us down to wet
Right many a nipperkin!
"But ranged as infantry,
 And staring face to face,
I shot at him and he at me,
And killed him in his place.
"I shot him dead because
Because he was my foe,
Just so my foe of course he was;
That's clear enough; although
"He thought he'd 'list perhaps,
Off-hand like just as I
Was out of work had sold his traps
No other reason why.
"Yes; quaint and curious war is!
You shoot a fellow down
You'd treat if met where any bar is,
Or help to half-a-crown."

Thomas Hardy (1840-1928)


The Reminder
by Thomas Hardy
While I watch the Christmas blaze
    Paint the room with ruddy rays,
    Something makes my vision glide
    To the frosty scene outside.
There, to reach a rotting berry,
    Toils a thrush, — constrained to very
    Dregs of food by sharp distress,
    Taking such with thankfulness.
Why, O starving bird, when I
    One day's joy would justify,
    And put misery out of view,
    Do you make me notice you!



THE HOLLOW MEN

T.S. ELIOT




TS Eliot two notes.jpg


TS Eliot Page


Mistah Kurtz-he dead
            A penny for the Old Guy



                        I

    We are the hollow men
    We are the stuffed men
    Leaning together
    Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!
    Our dried voices, when
    We whisper together
    Are quiet and meaningless
    As wind in dry grass
    Or rats' feet over broken glass
    In our dry cellar
   
    Shape without form, shade without colour,
    Paralysed force, gesture without motion;
   
    Those who have crossed
    With direct eyes, to death's other Kingdom
    Remember us-if at all-not as lost
    Violent souls, but only
    As the hollow men
    The stuffed men.

   
                              II

    Eyes I dare not meet in dreams
    In death's dream kingdom
    These do not appear:
    There, the eyes are
    Sunlight on a broken column
    There, is a tree swinging
    And voices are
    In the wind's singing
    More distant and more solemn
    Than a fading star.
   
    Let me be no nearer
    In death's dream kingdom
    Let me also wear
    Such deliberate disguises
    Rat's coat, crowskin, crossed staves
    In a field
    Behaving as the wind behaves
    No nearer-
   
    Not that final meeting
    In the twilight kingdom

   
                    III

    This is the dead land
    This is cactus land
    Here the stone images
    Are raised, here they receive
    The supplication of a dead man's hand
    Under the twinkle of a fading star.
   
    Is it like this
    In death's other kingdom
    Waking alone
    At the hour when we are
    Trembling with tenderness
    Lips that would kiss
    Form prayers to broken stone.

   
                      IV

    The eyes are not here
    There are no eyes here
    In this valley of dying stars
    In this hollow valley
    This broken jaw of our lost kingdoms
   
    In this last of meeting places
    We grope together
    And avoid speech
    Gathered on this beach of the tumid river
   
    Sightless, unless
    The eyes reappear
    As the perpetual star
    Multifoliate rose
    Of death's twilight kingdom
    The hope only
    Of empty men.

   
                            V

    Here we go round the prickly pear
    Prickly pear prickly pear
    Here we go round the prickly pear
    At five o'clock in the morning.

   
    Between the idea
    And the reality
    Between the motion
    And the act
    Falls the Shadow
                                    For Thine is the Kingdom
   
    Between the conception
    And the creation
    Between the emotion
    And the response
    Falls the Shadow
                                    Life is very long
   
    Between the desire
    And the spasm
    Between the potency
    And the existence
    Between the essence
    And the descent
    Falls the Shadow
                                    For Thine is the Kingdom
   
    For Thine is
    Life is
    For Thine is the
   
    This is the way the world ends
    This is the way the world ends
    This is the way the world ends
    Not with a bang but a whimper.

That time of year thou mayst in me behold
When yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang
Upon those boughs which shake against the cold,
Bare ruin'd choirs, where late the sweet birds sang.
In me thou see'st the twilight of such day
As after sunset fadeth in the west,
Which by and by black night doth take away,
Death's second self, that seals up all in rest.
In me thou see'st the glowing of such fire
That on the ashes of his youth doth lie,
As the death-bed whereon it must expire,
Consum'd with that which it was nourish'd by.
This thou perceiv'st, which makes thy love more strong,
To love that well which thou must leave ere long.
Perhaps others would like to point out Bird Name Folly and join me in the campaign against it. Who has any more examples that we can add to the list as ammunition to rid the world of this blight??
1. Lark bunting. What evidence is there that the bird ever even played baseball -- much less did any bunting???
2. Similarly MOURNING doves? Rubbish. They can be seen at noon and all through the afternoon!
3. Greater roadrunner? There’s, like, only one species, so how can he be greater than something that doesn’t even exist??
4. Canvasback. Friend, they look like feathers to me. Just sayin’.
5. House wren, house finch, house sparrow etc. Have you ever actually SEEN any one of these birds in somebody’s house? Ridiculous!
6. Summer tanager. Oh, yeah like they all die in the fall.
7. Bullock’s oriole. Ha ha. Well, birds don’t even have them -- at least any visible ones -- so why the smart aleck name?
8. Baltimore oriole. Come on! Don’t tell me they don’t live in lots and lots of other cities.
9. Cedar waxwing. Well, which IS it now? Are the wings made of cedar or wax? Make up your mind!
10. Spotted towhee, spotted sandpiper. That’s just bird watcher boasting. Lots of these birds are never spotted in their entire lives. I’ll bet that half of them are never seen by a human being at all!
11. Lincoln’s sparrow. There is not one shred of evidence that Abraham Lincoln ever as much as laid eyes on one of these birds.
12. Hermit thrush? Yeah like he lives in some isolated shack on a hill in Kentucky.
13. Magnificent frigatebird. Be clear. Which is magnificent -- the bird or the frigate? Gad!
14. Hepatic tanager. There is nothing in the literature to suggest that there is anything special about their livers.
15. Common Loon and Blue-footed Booby? Some names are just mean and insulting and nothing more. Can't we all just get along here?
16. American oystercatcher. Does one have to actually CATCH an oyster? I mean they’re stuck to the rocks. Please.
17. Whip-poor-will. I’ll bet money that none of these birds ever whipped anybody, much less “poor Will.” Who the heck is Will, anyway--and why is he so special that we should care if he gets whipped by a goatsucker or not?
Tom Cole
A slaty-backed gull. How can he fly with a chunk of slate on his back. Answer me that.

    8y
    8 years ago
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Tom Cole
Wild Turkey. Like all the other birds out there are not wild.

    8y
    8 years ago
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Tom Cole
Bald Eagle. He's no balder than any other bird. Bald Vulture maybe...

    8y
    8 years ago
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Tom Cole
Greater Pewee. More name calling. Why not just call him shorty, shrimp, or runt?

    8y
    8 years ago
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Tom Cole
Ancient Murrelet. Surely they ALL aren't that old! Ancient Mariner maybe...

    8y
    8 years ago
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Tom Cole
Parakeet Murrelet. Well, WHICH IS HE?

    8y
    8 years ago
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Tom Cole
Sandwich Tern. How many people make them into sandwiches?

    8y
    8 years ago
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Tom Cole
Wandering Tattler. Like he goes around telling on people.

    8y
    8 years ago
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Tom Cole
Yellow wagtail. What? Is he part dog, the son of Old Yaller? He, like, WAGS his tail. 'Cmon!

    8y
    8 years ago
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Tom Cole
Scrub Jay. Is this like some kind of scrub woman, washer wench? Who says they scrub anything?

    8y
    8 years ago
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Tom Cole
Wood Duck. Someone's confused. Wood ducks are called DECOYS. They aren't real animals! Sheesh!

    8y
    8 years ago
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Tom Cole
Clark's Nutcracker. Idiots. Everyone knows it's Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker not Clark's Nutcracker. Who is Clark anyhow? Did he write any music?

    8y
    8 years ago
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Tom Cole
Reddish Egret. Don't equivocate; if he's red say so. Don't hem and haw. Either he's red or he isn't!

    8y
    8 years ago
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Tom Cole
No, but I just saw the bridled titmouse up at Montezuma Well. Does he have a SADDLE too or do you ride him bareback?? C'mon!


















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